Monday, August 4, 2014

Fifty Shades of Satire (Chapter 11f)

Well, how rude.
     I take the opportunity to type in "submissive" into Wikipedia. If you can't trust Wikipedia for good information, then who can you trust?
     Oops! I accidentally type in "submarine" by mistake, and I spend the next few hours reading about these underwater miracles that were inspired by a longer-than-it-is-wide sandwich. Mmm... longer-than-it-is-wide. That makes me hungry. Now, where can I get a nice submarine sandwich?
     I got it. Popeye's! He's in the Navy, after all.
     Only Popeye's doesn't serve sandwiches, they serve chicken. I'm so disappointed I can only eat two buckets of their extra-crispy. On my way there, I accidentally ran over an old homeless woman, but it wasn't serious. There weren't any witnesses.
     Back home, I try my luck at the computer again. Submachine gun? No. Submerge? That just leads me back to "submarine." Submissive? Jackpot! Now I can see what all the fuss is about.
     Hmm... so that's what a Pink Sock looks like. Why do all those Japanese people like to play with chocolate pudding? Is that a Baby Ruth?
     Sorry, Christian, I think to myself, but there's no way I can go through any of this.
     It's Christian.
     "What do you mean there's no way you can go through any of this?" he yells at me through an email. "Give me a second, I'll be right over."
     A second later, there's a knock at the door.
     "Holy smoke," I say, only I don't say smoke. Do I really need this? Right now? I need space. I need to think.
     Why is thinking so hard?
Fifty Shades of Humor

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