I take the opportunity to type in "submissive" into Wikipedia. If you can't trust Wikipedia for good information, then who can you trust?
Oops! I accidentally type in "submarine" by mistake, and I spend the next few hours reading about these underwater miracles that were inspired by a longer-than-it-is-wide sandwich. Mmm... longer-than-it-is-wide. That makes me hungry. Now, where can I get a nice submarine sandwich?
I got it. Popeye's! He's in the Navy, after all.
Only Popeye's doesn't serve sandwiches, they serve chicken. I'm so disappointed I can only eat two buckets of their extra-crispy. On my way there, I accidentally ran over an old homeless woman, but it wasn't serious. There weren't any witnesses.
Back home, I try my luck at the computer again. Submachine gun? No. Submerge? That just leads me back to "submarine." Submissive? Jackpot! Now I can see what all the fuss is about.
Hmm... so that's what a Pink Sock looks like. Why do all those Japanese people like to play with chocolate pudding? Is that a Baby Ruth?
Sorry, Christian, I think to myself, but there's no way I can go through any of this.
"What do you mean there's no way you can go through any of this?" he yells at me through an email. "Give me a second, I'll be right over."
A second later, there's a knock at the door.
"Holy smoke," I say, only I don't say smoke. Do I really need this? Right now? I need space. I need to think.
Why is thinking so hard?
Fifty Shades of Humor