Christian looks at his watch/slash/security monitor.
"Oh," he says, recognizing someone being let into his Fortress of Solitude by someone else. I can only see half of the screen from the angle I'm at, and I see what looks like Larry King, except with long pointy ears. "It's just my mother."
"It's just your mother?" I ask. "She looks like Larry King, except with long pointy ears." And then it hits me. "It's Just Your Mother?!" I yell, my voice raising a few octaves.
"IT'S JUST MY MOTHER!" he yells back at me, his voice raising a few octaves higher than mine.
"AHHHH!" I scream, running around the room in panic, my Bert and Ernie's bouncing wildly in front of me.
"AHHHH!" he screams, pressing the palms of his hands against his cheeks. He looks like if the kid from Home Alone had a baby with Edvard Munch's The Scream.
"Buckle up," we can hear his mother announce through his tie clip/slash/intercom. "It's going to be a bumpy night."
Fifty Shades of Satire