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Chocolate & Vanilla

My father and I were sitting at the kitchen table, having just finished a five-star breakfast prepared lovingly by my wife, and we continued to sit there enjoying a nice cup of gourmet coffee courtesy of me.  Gourmet coffee is one of my few indulgences. We were reading the morning newspaper, or, rather, my father was reading the newspaper. I usually help myself to the sections he doesn't enjoy reading, which means I sit there paperless, because my father hoards the newspaper like Hints From Heloise was printed on gold. I buy the paper, and my father has first dibs. Go figure. It's been that way ever since I was a kid. My father got the newspaper first, and no one else was allowed to even consider swiping a section of it until he was done. Not even the comic section, which he didn't read. "Dad," my wife asked my father sweetly, with the patience of a Mother Theresa, "do you want any ice cream?" My father looked up from the newspaper. "Huh... well... ...

Funny Shades of Grey--chapter ten

Chapter Ten    "Christian, who's that queer little fellow?" I inquire about the odd looking creature I mistook for his mother.   "That's Doobie, my man servant. And believe me, he's no queer. He keeps going on and on about some girl he left back home."   "I can't believe you really do have a manservant. I thought it was just a dream."   "Yes, I acquired him in England when I was going to college."   "Oxford?"   "Hogwarts. I found him during Spring Break. He was buried by the sea in the gardens of Shell Cottage, a little place we rented on the outskirts of Tinworth, Cornwall. That's right next door to Phlegm Falls. Some four-eyed hooligan had left him for dead, but I dug him up, gave him an aspirin, and he sobered right up. Aspirins are good for everything. Everything, except bringing a dead hooker back to life. Just ask my old college roommate, Dave Attell. Anyway, Doobie claims I saved his life and he...