American Chimpanzee

"A turkey's gotta do what a turkey's gotta do."     American Chimpanze e JimDuchene.BlogSpot.com RaisingMyFather.BlogSpot.com @JimDuchene   

This Just In! " Filthy, Disgusting President Trump's Approval Rating At Lowest Point Yet!" reports your typical news source.   This Just In! Selena Gomez! One Again! Agrees To Act As Justin Bieber's Beard!   This Just In! Republicans Once Again FAIL To Repeal ObamaCare! "It's not our fault," the whiney whiners whine. "We only control the House and Senate!"   It was my first Civil War reenactment. I didn't know you weren't supposed to use real ammunition.   This Just In! Mega Millions! Raises The Price Of A Ticket To TWO Dollars! "The poor play the Lotto, and we want to take as much money from them as we can."   Visiting Auschwitz, my family and I were deeply moved, but I don't know why everybody got so upset when we set down a blanket and had a picnic.   This Just In! Scientists Have Determined That Sheep Can Recognize Celebrity Faces! "Those sheeps are LIARS!" say...

The doctor said my tumor was the size of a pear, just not as tasty.   For Halloween, I bought TEN bags of candy. For myself. The trick-or-treaters can fend for themselves.   He's a terrible soldier but a heckuva nice guy. I don't have the heart to give him a dishonorable discharge, so send him to the front line.   Did you hear about the new Divorcee Barbie? You wind her up, and she leaves with half your stuff.   To be old and wise, you first have to be young and dumb. I'd say most of you have got this covered.   Janet Jackson says she'd GLADLY perform with Justin Timberlake at the Super Bowl if he were to ask. Don't beg, Janet. It's beneath you.   "Honey, I have a confession to make: I'm a werewolf." "Thank goodness! I thought you were having an affair."   Next Halloween, the sequel to IT will feature a female Pennywise. "When you go into the sewer, you're going to SHE-IT!"   ...