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Showing posts from December, 2017

A Christmas Canine

Bob Cratchit got up from his desk as Ebenezer Scrooge hunched over his account books.      "Sir?" he said, tapping on the old man's door. "I've copied all the letters and filed the paperwork. I also brought in more firewood and swept out the ashes."      Here, Bob Cratchit paused, and then began again.      "And, well, it's closing time, Mr. Scrooge."      "Fine," Scrooge replied. "If your work is finished, you may leave."      "Mr. Scrooge?" Cratchit proceeded cautiously. "Tomorrow is Christmas, a day to spend with family."      "Christmas? Bah!" Scrooge all but spat. "Fine. Take tomorrow off, but be here early the next day."      "Yes, sir," Cratchit acquiesced. "You can count on it, sir."      Cratchit pulled his coat snug around him.      "Merry Christmas, Mr. Scrooge," he said, and then stood the...

The Week In FIRED Tweets!

What's the most important thing to take with you when camping in the wilderness? Your credit card. For when you decide to rent a room instead.   This Just In! Charles Manson! DEAD! After spending almost FIFTY years on Death row! What did he die of? Boredom.   This Just In! Charles Manson! DEAD! "Remind me," asks a perplexed President Trump, "which season of Celebrity Apprentice was he on?"    This Just In! Scientists determine alcohol causes cancer! Let's face it, EVERYTHING causes cancer.    This Just In! Mourning the death of his one true love, a brokenhearted David Cassidy follows Charles Manson to the great hippy commune in the sky.   "Smile in the mirror. Do that every morning and you'll start to see a big difference in your life," advises Yoko Ono. "Oh, and marry a millionaire."   Why Black Friday? Because White Friday is racist.   This Just In! The White House confirms...

Taking Medication

My father and I have just returned home from an appointment with his doctor.     He doesn’t drive any more. Since he now lives with me, I find myself chauffeuring him around to conduct his personal business. I always thought the older you got, the less you did. Apparently, that’s not the case. At least with my father. I’m always taking him here or there, doing this or that.     He’s closer to the end of his century than the beginning and has been diagnosed pre-Alzheimer’s. You might think that Alzheimer’s is something that happens to someone else, but don’t fool yourself, we’re all pre-Alzheimer’s. We just need to live long enough for it to catch up with us.     It's 11am. Still early. He's studying the medicine his doctor prescribed, and which we've just picked up from the pharmacy.     "Can you believe the price of this medication?" he asks.     Of course I can. I just p...