American Chimpanzee

Corner Bakery Café motto: "Feed The Day". Why would I want to feed the day when I'M the one who's hungry?   Men reach old age before they reach maturity.   I'm going to the store for a few things. I'll be back in about two hundred dollars.   Fake News Reports! Black Lives MATTER! Except in Chicago.   Did you hear about the new economy car? It comes with an airbag you have to blow up yourself.   Fake News Reports! Stuttering John UPSET That Howard Stern Is Releasing A New Book TWO WEEKS Before His! Don't worry, John. Your book wasn't going to sell any copies anyway.   Smokey Bear Says: "Only YOU Can Prevent Forest Fires." That's a lot of responsibility for just one person.   Fake News Reports! Aretha Franklin! DEAD! Sadly, there's a lot of that going around.   Success 101 Hard work without talent is a shame, but talent without hard work is a tragedy.   The best time to be...

It's so windy I saw a chicken lay the same egg twice!   I'm not saying my ex is ugly, but when she has a bad-hair day... the hair is on her face!   My ex is like an open book... with most of the pages missing.    When Rush Limbo tell me how safe nuclear power plants are, I like to remind him, "Yeah, the plants are safe, but what about the people ?"   Fake News Reports! In her interview with Jeanine Piro on The View, Whoopi Goldberg vehemently DENIES suffering from Trump Derangement Syndrome by becoming vehementally deranged!   I'm not saying my ex overdoes things, but who wood-fires a Pop-Tart?   Fake News Reports! What the fudge, Trump? With all this Russia nonsense, drop the bomb already. On Hollywood!   I'm FOR what works. I'm AGAINST what doesn't work. When did the Politically Correct declare THAT a crime against humanity?   That cloud looks like a dog. That cloud looks like a pony...

as featured in Desert Exposure Magazine desertexposure.com   There’s an old joke:     An elderly man with a hearing problem suddenly lost his hearing completely, so he immediately went to his doctor. After many failed attempts at communication, the doctor finally looked in the old man’s ear and discovered the problem. He asked his nurse for some forceps, and then used them to extract a suppository from the old man’s ear canal.     “Here’s the trouble,” the doctor told him, showing it to him.     “Oh, my goodness,” the old man replied. “What the heck did I do with my hearing aid?”     I told you last month that my father uses a hearing aid, sometimes to what he thinks is his advantage, but I've never told you how I found out.     Back when my beloved mother was still alive, I used to go over and join them for breakfast on Saturday mornings. My mother was an old-s...