American Chimpanzee

Fake News Reports! Hoping To Heal A Fractured Nation, President Joe Biden Calls For Unity With "The Racist Scum Who Populate Half The Country"! Merck Pharmaceutical Company Is Halting Its Coronavirus Vaccine Development Program! "We'll just keep the money the government's already given us," a spokesman laughs,  all the way to the bank. Due To COVID-19 Hardships, 65% Of Nursing Homes Worry That They May Have To Close Down For Good! "C'mon, man!" a cranky Joe Biden scolded the American people. "Take care of  your own damn parents!" Joe Biden Promises To Throw Out The Trump COVID-19 Plan Of Masking, Vaccinations, & Travel Bans And Replacing Them With The BIDEN Plan Of Masking, Vaccinations, & Travel Bans! Aren't you just  plagiarizing the Trump Plan? "C'mon, man!" A well-behaved man may not always make history, but he'll always make dinner. SFGate Reports That The Coats Worn By Kamala Harris' Great-Niece...

  Fake News Reports! Today Is The 21st Day Of The 21st Year In The 21st Century! It's one of those things that sounds good but means nothing. My ex always wanted a fancy carving set, but the way she cooked, I bought her a hammer and chisel instead. U.S. Secretary of State Mike Pompeo Accuses China Of Committing Genocide & Other Crimes Against Humanity Targeting Uyghur Muslims & Other Ethnic & Religious Minority Groups! "Biden's president now," Chinese leader Xi Jinping gloats. "We can do what we want." Ecstatic Oil Companies Celebrate The Inauguration Of Joe Biden By Raising The Price Of Gasoline At The Pumps! "And we'll continue to honor our new president this way for the next four years," an oil company spokesman promised. Dr. Fauci Is Proud To Announce That The United States Will Rejoin The World Health Organization! "And our first order of business will be to learn Chinese," the diminutive doctor  declares. OF COURSE t...

Fake News Reports! Buzzfeed News Interviews Black Police Officers About President Trump's Rally Gone Wrong Because... "We live in a racially divided country," a spokesman explained, "and anything we can do to make it worse is fine by us." The Wall Street Journal Reports That Lawmakers Were SECONDS Away From Confronting The Capitol Rioters, But Then... "We ran away like scared rabbits," they admit. Bloomberg Opinion Reports That In This Day And Age There Are Still ONE HUNDRED Jobs In Russia That Women Aren't Allowed To Do! How is this possible? "Because we're not the United States," a self-satisfied Putin explains. In A Shocking Headline, NBC News Reports That "Democrats In Congress Are Worried Their Colleagues Might Kill Them"! "If you look up 'coward' in the dictionary," says Representative Don Beyer, "you'll see a picture of us there." In An Interview With Face The Nation 's Margaret Bre...

  Fake News Reports! World Leaders Condemn Yesterday's Out-Of-Control Protest At The U.S. Capitol! "Why didn't they just execute them?" Chinese ruler Xi Jinping laughs to himself.   I'm up for anything. As long as I'm done before Wheel Of Fortune  Starts. I have low self-esteem. But not low enough. Soon-To-Be Ex-Majority Leader Mitch McConnell Is Said To Be Pleased With The New Impeachment Proceedings Against President Trump! "Thank goobers the spotlight is off of me  for single-handedly  causing the Republicans to lose the Senate," he croaked. Ten Republicans Break Rank With Party And Join Democrats In Voting For A SECOND Trump Impeachment! "Please don't cancel us," they beg the Woke Left, cowering in the corner. Democrats Replace Old White Man As Senate Majority Leader With ANOTHER Old White Man! Democrats Replace Old White Lady As Speaker Of The House With THE SAME OLD WHITE LADY! Battered U.S. Economy Throws Hands Up In The Air In F...

Is everything okay,  hermano ?      I ask because of your wife's last Facebook post.      She wrote: "I'm so worried about my husband. I hate to say it, but he's, well, he's gotten old. To help perk him up, I asked him if he would like super sex, and he answered, 'Soup, please.'"       RaisingDad RaisingMyFather.BlogSpot.com JimDuchene.BlogSpot.com @JimDuchene   

Fake News Reports! President-Elect Joe Biden Criticizes The Distribution Of The Trump Coronavirus Vaccine! Relax, Joe. You've already won the election.  President-Elect Joe Biden Is Harshly Criticizing The Distribution Of The Trump Coronavirus Vaccine! Um... you know Donald Trump isn't personally administering the vaccines himself, don't you, Joe? President-Elect Joe Biden Criticizes The Distribution Of The Trump Coronavirus Vaccine As TOO SLOW! I don't know, Joe... YOU sure got your Trump Coronavirus Vaccine pretty damn quick. Joe Biden Criticizes President Trump's "Irresponsibility" In The Transition Process! "Right now, we're just not getting all the information that we need," the President-Elect lashed out. "How can I get any money from China if Hunter doesn't have anything to sell?" China Pharmaceutical Giant Sinopharm Says Its COVID-19 Vaccine Is 79% Effective! "At SPREADING the virus," Chinese leader Xi Jinping ...

  Now that you're putting yourself  on a computer schedule of only twice a day, once in the morning and once at night, I'm betting you're a creature of habit and your wife's going to take advantage of that and use it to not have sex with you.      Your love life is going to sound like this:      Your Wife  (in the morning):  "I'm feeling especially frisky this morning. You want to stay in bed and get jiggy?"       You: "Aw, gee, sweetheart. I was just getting ready to get on the computer."      Patty: "Oh, well... maybe later."      You: "Maybe later'       Later...      Your Wife  (at night) : "Oh, honey ... why don't you and me go upstairs?"      You: "Aw, gee, sweetheart. You know I always get on the computer at this time."      Patty: "Oh, well... maybe tomorrow."      You: "Maybe tomorrow."     ...

as featured in Desert Exposure Magazine desertexposure.com     There’s an ancient curse.      I’d say where it comes from, but I don’t care to be smeared as a racing enthusiast.      It goes, “May you live in interesting times.”      2020 was a pretty interesting year, ending with the fear of its continuation into 2021. As I write this, November’s presidential election still hasn’t been determined. What’s now called Fake News Media has declared Joe Biden president-elect, but President Trump has yet to concede. I’m sure it will all be settled by the time this is published.      Whatever its outcome, whoever is declared the winner, I hope the hard times are behind us. I hope we can live together in peace, with respect and dignity for all. However, since that’s never happened before--remember Cain and Abel?--I doubt it will happen now. Nothing wrong with hoping, though.  ...