American Chimpanzee

  Fake News Reports! Was Richard M. Nixon’s middle name really “Moe”? ********** Two Members Of Congress Have Invited Britney Spears To Testify Concerning Conservatorships! “When did Congress move to a Motel 6?” the confused pop star wondered sexily. ********** Sexy Pop Star Britney Spears Has Been Asked By Two Congressmen To Testify On Conservatorships! “Can you wear your schoolgirl outfit?” they asked, lasciviously. ********** Joy Behar From ABC’s The View Confirms She Plans To Wear A Mask In Public “Indefinitely”! “Bless you,” says the public. ********** Renouncing His “White Privilege, Bryan Cranston Announces “I Need To Learn” In An Interview With The Los Angeles Times! Bryan, Bryan, Bryan… now you’ve gone and painted a target on your back. ********** The Academy Awards Is Requiring Everyone Attending To Be Vaccinated In A Last-Ditch Effort To Bring Their Viewership To Zero! ********** Variety—Hollywood’s Premiere Entertainment Newspaper—Reports That Star Wars ’ John Williams ...

Fake News Reports! Joe Biden Gets Tough With Russia And Puts Kamala Harris In Charge Of The Ukraine! In a related story, Putin invades the Ukraine. ********** THIS JUST IN: Russia Invades The Ukraine! France surrenders! ********** In An Interview With The Telegraph, Queen Elizabeth Vows To Continue Working Despite Having Contracted Covid-Xi! That’s easy to do when your job is doing nothing. ********** In An Up Close & Personal Interview With The Telegraph,  Queen Elizabeth Vows She Will Not Let Covid-Xi Keep Her From Her Duties! Funeral services for the reporter who interviewed her are at 11. ********** THIS JUST IN: Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau Surprisingly Ends His Emergency Powers! Sorry, Justin, you’re still a joke. ********** THIS JUST IN: Putin ENDS The Pandemic! ********** Russian Soldiers On Horses Trample Innocent Ukrainian Citizens! No, wait… that was Justin Trudeau’s Canadian Police. ********** On The Brink Of World War III, The World Wonders Why Russia Inv...

  Fake News Reports! The Albuquerque Journal Reports That New Mexico Has Decided To Keep Its Mask Mandate In Place! In a related story, a $150 million dollar fund aims to boost the state’s health care in rural areas. $150 million dollars? That will sure buy a lot of masks. ********** “Disappeared” Chinese Tennis Star Peng Shuai Met With IOC (International Olympic Committee) President Thomas Bach To Reiterate She Was NOT Raped By A High-Level Chinese Government Official. How do you know you met with the real Peng Shuai? “I don’t.” ********** Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau Weeps Bitter Tears Over Protesting Truckers’ Ability To Close Down Country More Effectively Than He Ever Could! ********** As States Begin Dropping Mask Mandates, The CDC—Like An Annoying Little Brother—Yells “Wait For Me!” And Hurries To Catch Up By Rushing To Come Up With New Mask Guidelines! ********** Neil Young Tells Spotify Employees To “Get Out Of That Place Before It Eats Up Your Soul”! But, Neil, t...

as featured in Desert Exposure Magazine   RaisingDad by Jim and Henry Duchene   Beautiful Nonsense     There are some classic movies I'll watch because I just don't like them.      Why do I torture myself this way? Because I'm trying to understand what it is I don’t get. 2001: A Space Odyssey is a good example. Whenever it comes on TCM, I'll  watch it.      "What are those monkeys doing?" my five-year-old granddaughter asked the last time I saw it, referring to the first part of the film which takes place at the dawn of man. My father, who was watching with me, looked to see what I was going to say.      "I... don't know," I admitted.      "They're ugly," she noted. A little later into the movie, she asked, “What’s that black thing?” Again, I… didn’t know.      I looked over to my father.      He was asl...

  Fake News Reports Sixties’ Neil: “I can get away with saying a lot of ideas that are young and naive. I'm liberated.” Today’s Neil: “Cancel Joe Rogan!” ********** Sixties’ Neil: “Rock and roll is here to stay!” Today’s Neil: “Take my music off Spotify!” ********** Sixties’ Neil: “I'm not into this judgmental, religious-right kind of thing.” Today’s Neil: “If you don’t agree with me, you have no right to be heard.” ********** Sixties’ Neil: “One new feature or fresh take can change everything.” Today’s Neil: “Let the government tell you what to think. They know what’s best.” ********** Sixties’ Neil: “It's better to burn out, than to fade away.” Today’s Neil: “I’M STILL HERE, DAMMIT!” ********** Sixties’ Neil: “The '60s was one of the first times the power of music was used by a generation to bind them together.” Today’s Neil: “You know, the Vietnam War had its good points as well.” ********** Sixties’ Neil: “Tin soldiers and Nixon coming. We're final...

  Fake News Reports! I see Rachel Maddow is trending in Entertainment. That sounds about right. ********** I Stand With Neil Young, Willie Nelson, Bruce Springsteen, Barbra Streisand, Queen, Paul McCartney, The Rolling Stones, Dave Grohl, Joni Mitchell, & Pearl Jam! Who better than those who’ve enjoyed freedom of speech to deny it to others? ********** I Stand With Neil Young, Willie Nelson, Bruce Springsteen, Barbra Streisand, Queen, Paul McCartney, The Rolling Stones, Dave Grohl, Joni Mitchell, & Pearl Jam over this Spotify nonsense.    Freedom of speech is overrated. ********** THIS JUST IN: Canada’s Prime Minister Justin Trudeau Reveals That He’s “Feeling Fine” After Pretending To Have Tested Positive For Covid-Xi! ********** After Ordering Home All Americans, The Biden Administration Warns Of Imminent War Between Russia And The Ukraine! “Why are you trying to push us into a war?” asks a perplexed Ukraine. ********** I Stand With Neil Young, Willie Nelson, Br...