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Showing posts from April, 2022

The Week In Tweets: Special Haiku, Senryu, & Duchene Poetry Edition!

  Fake News Reports!    How the Fantastic Four Got Their Names    Reed Richards: “As your leader, I’ll be known as Mr. Fantastic. Ben, you’ll be The Thing. Johnny, you’re The Human Torch. Sue, we’ll call you The Invisible Girl!” Susan Storm: “But I’m a grown woman, Reed.” “Not now, sweet cheeks. The men are talking.” ********* After Joe Biden’s Ghost Gun Infomercial, Sales SKYROCKET! ********* The Royal Formally Known As Prince Harry And His Wife Meghan Markle Visit His Grandmother Queen Elizabeth For The First Time In TWO Years! “Can you loan us some money?” they ask. ********* If you can’t tone it, tan it. ********* CBP Officers Inspecting Luggage At Washington Dulles Airport Were Shocked To Find Bat Meat In A Traveler’s Baggage! Are you sure it’s bat meat? “Sure tasted like bat meat to me.” ********* Not Satisfied With It’s Stock Crashing Over 20% After Losing More Than 200,000 Subscribers In Its First Quarter, Netflix Pays Barack & Michele Obama MILLION...

The Week In Tweets: Special People We're Afraid Of Edition!

  Fake News Reports!    Two Months Into Putin’s Invasion, Russia STILL Can’t Conquer Ukraine! Let me get this straight, THESE are the people we’re afraid of? ********* Peace Talks With Russia Scheduled To Begin Today! In a related story, Ukrainian peace negotiators allegedly POISONED. “Oops,” says Putin. ********* Under House Arrest, Immanuel Segura Arrested For Selling Guns & Drugs Out Of His Brother’s Albuquerque Apartment! “Was that wrong?” the young entrepreneur asked the arresting officer. “Because I wouldn’t have done it if someone had told me it was wrong.” *********    When not spending 100% of his time thinking about the homeless, California Governor Gavin Newsom brags about studying books that were banned in other states instead of solving his own state’s problems ********* Humans have evolved into a higher form of intelligence and a lower form of intelligence at the same time. Don’t know which one you are? Well, that answers the question right the...

The Simulatrix

  RaisingDad by Jim and Henry Duchene   The Simulatrix “Where’s Neo When You Need Him?” Every morning when I wake up I have to blow my nose.      Maybe it’s my allergies. Maybe it’s my CPAP machine. Maybe, since my nose runs and my feet smell, I’m built backwards. Whatever it is, more often than not, when I toss the tissue into the small trash can my beautiful wife has thoughtfully provided, the tissue doesn’t make it in and I have to bend over, pick it up, and sadly come to terms with why I never played in the NBA.      I could understand this happening once in a while, but the MAJORITY of the time? What are the odds of that? I was an average basketball player in school, so I should be able to negotiate the three feet from my hand to the inside of the trash can, but something always happens. It bounces off the rim, it catches a nice breeze, it gets invaded by Putin.      That got me thinking, I must b...