American Chimpanzee

   Fake News Reports!    I’m not offensive by nature. It takes me a lot of practice. *********   THIS JUST IN:    CNN News Opinionator Jim Acosta STILL Obsessed With President Trump! *********   The World Health Organization Declares Monkeypox To Be A Global Emergency As Cases Surge!    Not that they asked me, but if they wanted us to take Monkeypox seriously they shouldn't have given it such a funny name. *********   Pope Francis, On A “Pilgrimage Of Penance,” Traveled To Canada To Personally Apologize To The Indigenous Populations There For Role The Catholic Church Played In The Residential School System Abuse Scandal!    “And also for Justin Trudeau.” *********   In An Instagram Post On Saturday, Martha Stewart Announced The Death Of Six Of Her Pet Peacocks!    “They were glorious birds,” she tweeted, “so friendly… and so delicious.” *********   Jordan Peele’s “Nope” Star Keke Pa...

  Fake News Reports!    I used to have a mustache, but my ex got it in the divorce. *********   In An Address To The United Nations, The Royal Formerly Known As Prince Harry Admitted How Climate Change Has Left Him Feeling “Battered And Helpless”!    “Climate change,” of course, being code for “marriage to Meghan Markle.” *********   On NBC’s “Meet The Press,” Biden’s Climate Czar John Kerry Warns, “We Are Way Behind” And Need To “Accelerate The Transition” To Green Energy!    “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to get on my private jet and take a joyride to one of my many mansions.” *********   In His Campaign For Governor, Green Energy Candidate Beto O’Rourke Begins His 5,600+-Mile, 49-Day “Drive For Texas” Today!    And what would you like to accomplish by doing all that driving, B.O.?    “I’d like to get all those selfish Americans to stop using fossil fuels.” *********   While Speaking Befo...

  Fake News Reports! IT’S OFFICIAL: With His Re-Election Coming Up, Californian Governor Gavin Newsom Will Give Some People In His State A “One-Time” Stimulus Payment!    Who’s getting it?    I’m checking the list now.    Sorry, you’re not on it. ********* Disgruntled Hollywood Celebrities CANCELED Yesterday’s 4th Of July Celebration Blaming It On The Supreme Court’s Recent Abortion Ruling!    Unfortunately, I missed the memo, so my family and I had a great time. ********* On A Recent Episode Of His Radio Show, Howard Stern Revealed The Three Things He Will Do As President!    “Caca, peepee, poopoo,” he vowed. ********* The Telegraph Reports An Anti-Hangover Pill That Breaks Down Alcohol In The Body Is Now On Sale!    Or… we could not drink.    Aw, who am I kidding? ********* A New Recording Of Bob Dylan's Classic Protest Song "Blowin' in the Wind" Has Sold At Auction For 1.7 MILLION Dollars!    If the ...

 as featured in Desert Exposure Magazine RaisingDad by Jim and Henry Duchene Desert Exposure vs The World “I hate to sound like an old geezer, BUT” Sometimes I feel like Tony Soprano in the very first scene of the very first episode of HBO’s The Sopranos , where he laments coming in at the tail end of the golden age of organized crime.     In my case, I feel that way about books.     I love books the way some people love their children, so it’s hard to believe they're on the way out, being replaced by an electronic media that adds little to the reading experience. Somehow, cozying in bed with a good iPhone doesn’t have the same appeal.      People these days would rather experience things on a screen than on a page. They don’t know what they're missing. Myself, I still carry a book with me wherever I go, but I'm pretty much a lonely barnacle in an ocean of phone zombies. Science fiction writers imagined many things, b...

  Fake News Reports! Merrick Garland And The Primarily Male Department Of Justice Promise They “Will Work Tirelessly To Protect And Advance Reproductive Freedom”! “If women think they can force us into marriage or paying child support, they are sadly mistaken.” ********* I’m not saying my ex was a bad cook, but our parrot used to say, “Polly wants an Alka-Seltzer!” ********* THIS JUST IN: Howard Stern Teases He Just Might Run For President! Great. ANOTHER rich old white guy to choose from. ********* After Months Of Debate, Governor Gavin Newsom Reached A Budget Deal With Fellow Democrats Where Californians Might Receive A Gas Refund! Who qualifies? Not you. ********* According To The Times, The Biden Administration Has Sent CIA Operatives To Help The War Effort In Ukraine! “There must be SOME way we can tie this to Trump,” they chitter, stealthily. ********* In A Recently Released Video, Jon Voight Calls For The Impeachment Of Joe Biden! “And you should listen to me because I’m an...