American Chimpanzee

 as featured in Desert Exposure Magazine RaisingDad by Jim and Henry Duchene The Sky Is Black! “a glitch in the simulatrix”   It was raining. Not pouring, but steady. I had already let the dogs outside to do their business. They weren't happy, but they do what they're told. My father, on the other hand, is a stubborn old coot. That’s okay. So am I.      He was sitting at the kitchen table. At the HEAD of the kitchen table. You know... MY chair.      "You'll have to skip your walk today, pop," I told him. "It's raining."      "No, it's not," he said.       My father is a man who doesn’t like to be told what to do. It had only rained all night. That morning was no different.      "Of course it's raining," I told him. "Look outside."      "I AM looking outside," he said, not looking outside.     ...

  as featured in Desert Exposure Magazine RaisingDad by Jim and Henry Duchene Death & Other Minor Inconveniences “never ask anyone about anybody”       Hungry or not, my father insists on eating on a schedule. You know what that means? It means I eat on a schedule, too. HIS schedule. You wouldn’t believe the pounds I’ve packed on as a result. Although, if I’m honest, women are the primary reason there's more of me to love. By women, I mean Betty Crocker, Little Debbie, and Dolly Madison. My beautiful wife doesn't think I’m overweight, though. Just six inches too short for my weight. Getting back to my father, my wife’s concerned he'll choke on something while eating, so she makes me join him as a sort of culinary bodyguard. This chore is less of a calling and more of a burden because my father likes to drone on about who’s sick or has died. These conversations begin benignly enough— “Shouldn’t you be mowing the lawn?” he’ll say, confusing me with ...