American Chimpanzee

  The Tell-Tale Trump by Stephen King as told to Jim Duchene    You’re right, you’re right. I’m nervous–very nervous–but crazy?       I only wish I were.      You see, I’ve always found Donald Trump entertaining, in a monkey playing the accordion kind of way, but I never thought he’d be president. Then he stole the election, the only known instance of that ever happening.      I could live with that. I bore him no ill will. It was only four years, after all. How much damage could he do?      But his tweets!      They drove me nuts!      No, not nuts. Not nuts. I’m not nuts. I swear I’m not.       Soon, you might say, I became obsessed with Trump and his hellish tweets. Obsessed isn’t the same as insane, is it?      Of course not.      Every ...

  as featured in Desert Exposure Magazine RaisingDad by Jim and Henry Duchene Four More Stories “not one to be chastised”   I had an 8 o’clock appointment.      It was on the other side of town, so I left early to avoid rush hour traffic. Too early, as it turned out, because I got there with a lot of time to kill. A LOT of time. Stopping at a local coffee shop, I asked for their Wi-Fi password.     "Buy something first," the owner told me.     I thought that was kind of blunt, but fair enough. After paying for my order, I laughed when I read the password on the receipt.  It said: "BuySomething1st!”     You see, my friends, technology is for the young.     I might have a smartphone, but I don't really know how to use it. If I do ten percent of what my phone is capable of, I'd be surprised.      The other day, I forgot my phone as I left the...

  Mama Says, Mama Says Mama says,  "Why these prices so high?" Mama says,  "Girl, you better eat all your food!" Mama says, "I'll rest when I die." Mama says, mama says, "Lord, why you so good?" Mama says, "Where's that report card you brought?" Mama says, "Girl, you'd better clean up your room!" Mama says, "I only know what I got." Mama says, mama says, "Lord, will you be calling me soon?" Mama says, "Where you going so late?" Mama says, "Girl, you better let me know where you are!" Mama says, "Them there's the Pearly Gates." Mama says, mama says, "Lord, I've traveled so far." Mama says, mama says.    

  as featured in Desert Exposure Magazine RaisingDad by Jim and Henry Duchene Four Stories “and one strict old coot”   My father was one strict old coot. My brothers and I had it tough growing up, but our sisters had it worse. When my older sister was going on her first date, my father wasn't about to let her stay out until all hours of the morning. When the boy came by to pick her up, my father made it clear that he wanted her back home before twelve, "and I'll be waiting to make sure that she is.” The kid was respectful. He recognized a potential kick in the behind when he saw one, but as soon as they were outside he asked my sister, "What happens at midnight? You turn into a pumpkin?" "No," my sister told him, "but you better have me home before twelve because you don't want to find out what my father turns into."  ************************ My elderly, pre-Alzheimer's father's memory is not so great. Neither is min...