American Chimpanzee

4      After departing Mars, Elon Musk and Thomas Jerome Newton pressed onward. Their starship slicing through the void toward Anthea.       Musk, ever the restless explorer, proposed another detour. One that Newton, despite his growing urgency, couldn’t refuse.       “We’ve got Mars in the rearview,” Musk said, his voice buzzing with enthusiasm over the ship’s comms. “Why not swing by Jupiter? I’ve always wanted to poke around the Discovery One . Maybe HAL 9000’s still got some juice in him. Could be useful for Anthea.”      Newton, his patience tempered by years of human unpredictability, nodded.       “If it aids us, I’ll trust your instinct, but time is thinning, Mr. Musk.”       Musk flashed a grin.       “Time is always thin. We’ll make it work.”      The jour...

My wife is on a diet, and when  she's  on a diet,  I'm  on a diet, but this morning, without her having to tell me,  I gathered up my willpower,  showed some restraint,  and  t reated myself   to  a doughnut  without  sprinkles.       I can't blame her for my misery, however. Not completely. The order came down from our doctor, and my wife is good about obeying the doctor's orders. At least when it pertains to me. When it comes to herself, her secret to sticking to a diet is ending the day with a Hostess Snowball.       Hostess. The superfood of snacks.      On a positive note,  m y doctor also determined I was  too old for a midlife crisis , so I no longer have to worry about embarrassing myself in social situations, but it also  means I 'll soon be  wander i ng  around saying things like:      "Where ar...

I was feeling playful.      "Knock knock," I told my beautiful wife.      "Who's there?" she asked.      "The love of your life," I said.      "Chocolate who?" she answered.      Okay, that wasn't quite the reply I was looking for. I was looking for one thing that might lead to another, but, although beautiful, my wife is a bit of a joker.       So's my father.       For example, we were at a family gathering this past Easter when my cousin's toddler was acting up. Too much sugar would be my guess.      "Sorry," my cousin said, "she's a bit spoiled."      "No need to apologize," my father said, wrinkling his nose, "they all smell that way."      But the time I'm actually thinking of is when my wife and I made the mistake of leaving an ongoing Scrabble game unattended, and our dog, who eats anything  and everything , ate some...

  3       Anthea’s Hope hummed through the void. Its hull gleaming under the faint light of distant stars. Newton sat in the co-pilot’s seat. His frail, alien frame dwarfed by the sleek controls. Beside him, Musk tapped at a tablet. Muttering equations under his breath. Barely beginning their audacious mission of transporting water from Earth to Newton’s drought-stricken planet, Anthea. The ship’s cargo hold groaned with tons of frozen water. Harvested from Greenland and propelled by a fusion of SpaceX ingenuity and Anthean technology.      “We’re ahead of schedule,” Musk said, glancing at Newton. “Fuel’s good. Trajectory’s solid. How about a pit stop? Mars is right on the way. Let’s take a breather. Check out the colony site.”      Newton’s pale eyes flickered behind his sunglasses.       “Mars holds no water for Anthea,” he said, “but if it’s what you wish, I won’t object.” ...