American Chimpanzee

Well, it's getting to be that time of year.       Fall.       Called that because of how leaves fall from the trees.      That reminds me of a naughty joke.       An old man is raking leaves with his grandson when they see an earthworm crawling out of its hole.       "I bet you five dollars you can't put that worm back into its hole," the grandfather says.       The boy thinks about it, then run into the house and comes back with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it's as stiff as a nail and, sure enough, sticks the worm back into its hole.       "Well, I'll be darned," the old man says and pays the boy five dollars.       He takes the can of hair spray.       "I'll be back," he says, and goes into the house.       Thirty minutes late he comes back and hands the little boy another fiv...

Travis Kelce is an old football buddy of mine. Before her engagement to him, I was listening to a news report about Taylor Swift's boyfriend  du jour , Mr. Insert Name Here. In it, the reporter mentioned some of her former boyfriends. John Mayer. Harry Styles. Osama bin Laden. That last relationship, however, was tragically cut short by SEAL Team Six.  Why Taylor Swift's love life qualifies as news is beyond me, but I did smile in recognition when they mentioned she once dated Conor, the oldest of Robert F. Kennedy Jr. and Mary Kennedy's four children. You see, in prep school I was his tutor. Sadly, I was never able to teach him how to properly spell the name "Connor." They were seen everywhere kissing, cuddling, and kissing some more. She was so in love with him that she spent $4.9 million to buy the 1928 beachfront mansion in front of the Kennedy compound in Hyannis Port, Massachusetts just so she could be closer to her heart's one true love and the rest of ...

In case you're wondering where my buddy Slim got his nickname, I gave it to him back when we first started working together. I took it (sort of) from the character Leo  Gorcey played in  The Bowery Boys  movie series from the 40s and 50s.       Before   ​his  father passed away (“Smell The Fudge” 8-18-2025), my older and much less attractive brother sent me a music video.        When Did I Get Old?  by Derrick Dove.       That sent me down a rabbit hole of songs about getting older that did an excellent job of depressing me. Songs like  It Was A Very Good Year  by Frank Sinatra.  Like A Rock  by Bob Seger.  Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini  by Brian Hyland.       I was already feeling down, so it was the wrong time for my buddy to call with a sad story. He asked me how I was doing ​ but it was obvious he  wanted to talk. Wh...