American Chimpanzee

  "Honey," my wife said to me, giving me her sweetest smile. I knew something was up. "I need you to fix the shower curtain in dad's bathroom. It fell." Again ? I thought to myself . "I just fixed it," I told her. "Fix it again," she told me back. "It can't be broken." "And yet it is." Again?  I continued to think.  Again?  I must have fixed that darn thing--what?--eight, nine, ten times? It seems I retired from a job I enjoyed doing just to spend my retirement fixing my father's shower curtain rod. "The problem," I told her, "is that he uses the curtain for support when he gets out of the shower. We have the same kind of rod in our shower, and how many times has it fallen. Zero times." "Just fix it," my wife said, thus ending the conversation. What she didn't tell me was, "He's  your  father." My wife is good that way.  She just tells me to fix the things he breaks...

Chapter Twelve    For the first time in my chubby little life, I voluntarily go for a run.   Ah, who am I kidding? Me and running go together like the words military intelligence.   I hear tap, tap, tapping from the other side of my front door. Ding! Ding! Ding! goes my computer. I look through the little peephole to see who's on the other side. It's Christian. Why's he standing so far away?   Crap! I put the peep-hole in backward.   I open the door to let Christian in. He's standing there, tapping on the computer Crocket is holding for him.   "Good evening, Anastasia." His voice is as cool as, well, something really cool that I can't think of right now. He turns. "That will be all, Crockett."   "All of what?" Crockett wants to know, looking over the top of his Ray-Bans. Doesn't he ever change out of his white suit?   I shut the door.   " All of what? "   "May I sit?" Christian asks, his eyes da...