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Jimmy Carter: White House Diary

Dear Diary,      Willie Nelson finally accepted my personal invitation and spent the weekend here in the White House. He slept in the Lincoln bedroom.      He must have started smoking that wildwood weed he's so fond of, because the Secret Service woke me up to tell me some funny-smelling smoke was wafting out from the bottom of his door. I told them not to do anything that would embarrass my new best friend, and that I'd take care of it. They agreed, so I woke up my wife and sent her to tell Willie that he couldn't be smoking that wacky tobacky in the White House.      She came back almost two hours later, eating a brownie.      He's sleeping real good now, pa," she assured me. "He won't be bothering nobody until tomorrow."      "Thanks, ma," I said, gratefully.      Was she wearing her pajama bottoms backwards? Hmm, must be the new style.  ...

The Week In Tweets: Special State-Of-The-Union Edition

There are THOUSANDS...  There are THOUSANDS of tickets still available to the Super Bowl. Which gives the Dallas Cowboys a shot at going to the Super Bowl after all.          This Just In! Justin Bieber! Charged! With assault! Nothing says you're tough like sucker-punching an elderly, over-weight limousine driver from behind.          Anybody else notice that Justin Bieber seems to enjoy wearing his mother's over-sized sunglasses?          President Johnson's 5O-year War On Poverty is a success! It improved the lives of the government employees hired/elected to wage that war.          New Jersey Governor Chris Christie: ''I'm not a bully. And if anybody says otherwise... I'LL KICK THEIR ASS!"          Bill Murray claims he ''had a hilarious experience'' with...