American Chimpanzee

  Fake News Reports!    About last night's debate... If I wanted to see two old people argue, I'd go visit my parents.    FIVE Of Vice-President Mike Pence's Aides Have Tested POSITIVE For The Coronavirus! Five aides and one fly.    San Francisco Becomes A National Leader In The Slowing Of Covid-19! "And they said letting the homeless poop in the streets was a bad idea," a vindicated Nancy Pelosi babbles smugly.    Presidential Candidate Kamala Harris Reveals President Trump's Secret Plan To Suppress Democrat Voters By Leaving Banana Peels Outside Of Voting Booths For Them To Slip On!    Political Racist Don Lemon Admits On His CNN Show To Dumping Friends Whose Political Beliefs Don't Agree With His! "Yeah, I'm that kind of guy," he sniffs.    Political Racist Chelsea Handler Brags To The Tonight Show 's Jimmy Fallon On NBC That She Had To Remind Thug Rapper & Trump Supporter 50 Cent "That He Was Black"...

 Fake News Reports!    Don't you hate it when you see some old fart and then realize you went to high school with them?    Don't you hate it when you see some old fart and then realize you went to high school with them? Now imagine how you'd feel if you saw the TWO of them debating each other on TV.    In His Debate Against President Trump, Joe Biden DID NOT Wear A Wire To Give Himself An Unfair Advantage, The Associated Press Insists! "And WE know because HE told us."    Autocorrect is a pain in the asset.    To fully appreciate the Sisteen Chapel, do I first have to appreciate the first fisteen?    New York Times Publishes Story From An Anonymous Source That President Trump Was Considering Wearing A Superman Shirt To Make A Dramatic Exit From The Hospital! "We'll publish anything anyone tells us," the newspaper of record admits.    President Trump Drops Huge F-Bomb On The Rush Limbaugh Show ! I don't blame Trum...

    Fake News Reports! President Donald Trump--Stable Genius Deal-Maker & Space Force Founder--Negotiates A Historic Deal Between Galactic Empire And Rebel Alliance!    Stable Genius Deal-Maker & LGBT Supporter Donald Trump Negotiates A Historic Peace Deal Between Ellen DeGeneres And Her Staff!    Stable Genius Deal Maker Donald Trump--Who Was Country When Country Wasn't Cool--Negotiates A Historic Peace Deal Between The Hatfields And McCoys!    CNN & Politico Both Confirm That Joe Biden DID NOT Use A Teleprompter During His Interview With Telemundo! "No, my voice was dubbed in by Sofia Vergara," he explains.    Annoyed By Persistent Republican Rumors Concerning His Mental Acuity, Presidential Wannabe Joe Biden Forcefully Sets The Record Straight In His Telemundo Interview! "C'mon, man! I categorically DENY ever using a teleprompter in ANY of my interviews and continued on next page."    Proving We Can All Get Along...

as featured in Desert Exposure Magazine desertexposure.com   I like to kid my brother that his grandson would rather do anything else than go hiking with him.     “Sorry, grandpa, but I have calculus to do.”     “But you won’t have calculus until you get to high school.”      “I don’t want to wait until the last minute.” Before hiking trails and playgrounds were taped off like crime scenes, my granddaughter had a great idea: “Let’s have a picnic on the mountain,” she said.      She was talking about a hiking trail where I’ve taken her before.       “That’s a GREAT idea,” I told her. I like how all the female hikers fuss over her.      “She’s so pretty,” they’ll say, a nd I’ll modestly agree.      So we packed up our Chick-fil-A nuggets and headed for the great outdoors, only it was kind o...

  Fake News Reports! My mother-in-law's visits always gives my wife and I pleasure. My wife, when she arrives. Me, when she leaves.    Astronomers Have Determined That "The Great Red Spot" On Jupiter (Actually A Storm Big Enough To Swallow Earth) Is SHRINKING! Damn this global warming.    This Just In! LeBron James Takes A Knee! ...just before depositing his multi-million dollar paycheck.    LeBron James Takes A Knee! ...just before depositing his multi-million paycheck. "This country is so unfair," he gripes to the minimum wage teller.    LeBron James Takes A Knee! "Why doesn't America love us too?" he laments to his 47.4 million Twitter followers.    Ellen DeGeneres Takes The Workplace Toxicity Of Her TV Show Head On In The First Episode Of Her 18th Season's Opening Monologue! "I don't have to put up with any of this shit," she berated her audience. "I'm rich, you get me? RICH!"    Nancy Pelosi & Treasury Secre...

Fake News Reports! I used to work in a sweat shop, but they closed it down years ago. People quit buying sweat.    Having kids is like riding a roller coaster. A very expensive roller coaster that never ends.    Joe Biden And Mike Pence Exchanged Pleasantries With Each Other At Last Friday's 9-11 Memorial In New York! "Wow! It's like looking into a mirror and seeing someone who doesn't look like you at all," the former VP said, before continuing his search for blue Jello.    I see Marilyn Manson is trending. You know, if someone looks like a psycho and acts like a psycho, how is anyone surprised when it turns out they're a psycho.    My mother-in-law's visits always gives my wife and I pleasure. My wife, when she arrives. Me, when she leaves.    How Did Justin Bieber End Up In Drake's & DJ Khaled's Popstar  Music Video? "The guy just wouldn't leave," the black superstars confessed.    In A Mysterious Tweet, Justin Bieb...

  Fake News Reports!   As Obama Praises NBA Players For Protesting The Jacob Blake Shooting In Wisconsin, Peaceful Protestors, In Solidarity With The Former President, Spell Out "Hope" & "Change" By Setting Strategically Chosen Neighborhoods On Fire! In An Interview With The Los Angeles Times, Trevor Noah Explains Why He Decided To Change The Daily Show ! "I was tired of the acclaim and high ratings Jon Stewart got, so I decided to go off in a different direction." NBA & NBPA Players Decide To End Their Protests And Resume Playoffs On Saturday Once They Realized... "...just how much money we'd be losing." American Crisis , Governor Cuomo's New Book About His Handling Of The Coronavirus Pandemic, Is Due In October! It's a murder mystery: "Someone killed 7,000 elderly nursing home residents. Will the killer be brought to justice?" From the Coronavirus Special Edition of the board game  Clue : Who killed...