American Chimpanzee

 as featured in Desert Exposure Magazine RaisingDad by Jim and Henry Duchene Red Face Turning Redder “say hi to mom for me”   For a few minutes, I thought I was going to receive my inheritance, but before I tell you THAT story let me tell you this one:      When my beloved mother was still alive she and my father were watching their favorite soap opera, As The Stomach Turns or some such nonsense. She had made my father a nice chicken sandwich, and he was sitting there simultaneously eating his food and complaining about how stupid the characters were on the show.       "Don't talk while you're eating," my mother told him, mainly because she had served him poultry, not seafood.  ( SEE food. Get it?) My father was offended.      "I'm not talking while I'm..."      All of a sudden, he started choking on a piece of chicken.      "I warned...

  as featured in Desert Exposure Magazine RaisingDad by Jim and Henry Duchene Team Edward Vs The Common Cold “I Like The Dark”      Well, my father had been sick for several days.      We warned him, but he didn't listen ( The Sky Is Black! 1-23) . He continued on his walks. In the cold. In the wet. It didn't matter. We asked him not to. It mattered less. We  told  him not to, but he knows better. He  always  knows better. He was determined to walk his illness away. He thinks walking will help him live forever, but it just might be the death of him.       I was sitting in the den. All the lights were off. The drapes were closed. I like the dark. I guess that makes me Team Edward.       Google it.      I swear, my father must have a Chinese spy balloon somewhere inside our house, because he'll stay in his little in-law house at the front of our property until one of us, main...

as featured in Desert Exposure Magazine     RaisingDad by Jim and Henry Duchene The Sick Kid “sleeping with a guilty heart”      I walked out of the dentist’s office after getting my teeth cleaned. Because of the pandemic it had been a year or two. Okay, three.      Don’t judge me.      Outside, I could hear children playing. I can’t tell you how sad that made me. You see, for the most part my eight-year-old granddaughter is a typical kid. She lives to play. In fact, we always have to get on her to eat because she’d rather be playing. One time, we stopped at her favorite restaurant, Chick-fil-A. This was before The Great Toilet Paper Shortage when their playgrounds were open. She liked scrambling through their playhouse, making friends. In fact, sometimes she didn’t want to come out at all because she was having so much fun.      “Eat first, play later,” I’d tell her.   ...

  as featured in Desert Exposure Magazine RaisingDad by Jim and Henry Duchene Who’s Laughing Now? “everything’s fine, until it’s not”      Cleanliness is next to godliness.      That’s why, once a month, I take a bath whether I need one or not. This past month, however, I had to give myself an additional scrubbing because my very thoughtful wife scheduled our colonoscopies together.      “Couples who colonoscopy together, stay together,” she assured me.      If it wasn’t for her, I would probably avoid them altogether. Colonoscopies are not my idea of fun, although my younger sister told me she enjoyed hers.       “I don’t want to hear about your sex life,” I kidded her, but I knew what she meant. It’s relaxing to be put under and sleep a worryless slumber. Anyone with kids knows what I mean.      For some, the worst part of a colonoscopy ...