I Thank, Therefore I Am

I can't believe it.  I'm still full.  I got four days off for this past Thanksgiving holiday, and I've spent the entire time digesting.  So (since I'm just sitting here, unable to move) I think this is the perfect time for me to reflect on the things I'm thankful for.
     First, I'm thankful to have been born and raised right here in El Paso, Texas.  Early in my life I suffered from an ailment that most El Pasoans seem to have.  It's a mental condition where you think that any other place is better than this place, so I chose to go to college out of state in Mobile, Alabama.  I had a great time and thought that I might continue living there after I graduated.  That is, until Hurricane Frederick dropped a tree on top of my truck.  It was then I decided that moving back to El Paso was better than dying.  Sandstorms were annoying, but they wouldn't kill me.
     I'm thankful for the water shortage we have in this part of the country, and the water resrictions we live under as a result.  Hydration is over-rated.  Who needs a green lawn?
     I'm thankful for the same politicians we keep electing into office time after time.  Same old politicians.  Same old problems.  Same old complaints from a public that doesn't think it's important to get out there and vote.  Not even for something that benefits them.  (I'm looking at you, gay community.)  I'm thankful for those politicians, because I'm tired of working to support myself.  That's society's job.  Who the government is going to tax for revenue once everybody decides not to work and to live off the public dole is not my problem. 
     Speaking of taxes, I'm thankful for the upcoming higher taxes and double-digit inflation.  It will give me an opportunity to be frugal with my money.  Just because the government spends more than it has, that doesn't mean that I have to.  I've seen homeless people eating out of the dumpsters behind Chico's Tacos.  I love Chico's Tacos!  How bad can it be?
     I'm also thankful for all the drivers who go ten to twenty miles under the speed limit.  On the freeway.  In the passing lane.  It teaches me patience.  They add a little excitement to my life and make me a better driver in the process.
     A special thanks to my wife and kids.  They've widened my horizons, introduced me to things I never would have discovered on my own, and have somehow turned my dark brown hair gray in the process.  I've never known such love, and I've never known such sorrow.  It's turned a good life into a great life, and I wouldn't have missed it for all the turkey and stuffing in the world.  And lastly, I'm thankful to my wife's ex-husband.
     Next to him I look pretty good.

          @JimDuchene