Random Thoughts...

She had urban curves.

 

An urban body.

 

Body by Pillsbury.

 

Baby teeth are nature's way of saying:  "It's time to stop breastfeeding."

 

Social satire, satirical fiction, and occassional parody.

 

A bar never empties out for two guys getting along outside.

 

I'm not a dork.  It's my birthday.

 

We're a nation of bullies.  Our chief export is bullying.

 

An outrageous comment is taken more seriously than the truth.

 

The Star-Bellied Sneetch.

 

On the internet I pretend to be Danny DeVito to pick up girls.  That way, when they see I'm not Danny DeVito, I figure I still have a shot.  But not if I said I was Brad Pitt.

 

I grew up reading Mad Magazine.  I never had a chance.

 

"I'm not going to compromise my principles."

 

"I respect that.  You're fired."

                   

 

     If you make a left turn when you're supposed to go straight, just because you weren't bright enough to get in the proper lane...  you might be an El Paso driver.
 

     If you make a left turn when you're supposed to go straight, just because the line in the turning lane is too long and you don't want to wait your turn...  you might be an El Paso driver.
 

     If you don't put on your turn signals to turn or change lanes...  you might be an El Paso driver.
 

     If your kids are riding outside in the back of the truck, while your buddies are riding inside in the front...  you might be an El Paso driver.
 



     If you drive too slow on the freeway and too fast in a school zone...  you might be an El Paso driver.
 

     If you think it's perfectly reasonable to drive less than 45 miles per hour on the freeway...  you might be an El Paso driver.
 

     If you speed up when you see another driver put on his turn signal...  you might be an El Paso driver.
 

     If you adjust your speed to make sure that another driver cannot merge safely into your lane or the freeway...  you might be an El Paso driver.

                   

 

Dear Mr. El Paso,
     I have a friend whose wife shaves off her eyebrows and then draws them back in.  What should I...er, I mean my friend do?  --please withhold my name
 

     Sorry, but Mr. El Paso doesn't withhold anybody's name by request.  You are Bill A. Vila, and I've eaten at your restaurant.  Don't be so stingy with the nachos, man.

                   

 

Dear Mr. El Paso,
     My wife is furious and refuses to have sex with me.  Is it because I charge her family when they eat in my restaurant?  --Bill A. Vila
 

     No, it's because you're fat.


 

Fifty Shades of Funny 

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