Hallmark Cards by Obama (Part Two)

It must have been Tattoo Night at Wal-Mart yesterday.  There were so many Latinos with tattoos there that I felt like I was back in La Tuna Federal Penitentiary.  That's my problem with our legal system.  When I go looking for justice, that's what I find... just us.
     The women especially were all tatted up.  In their cases, however, they must have bought their tattoos by the pound, because it seemed that the number of and sizes of the tattoos they wore increased in direct proportion to the amount of excess poundage they carried.  I know they get tattoos in an attempt to look attractive, but why don't they try to look attractive by losing weight instead?
     I was so disgusted by the massive parade of illustrated flesh that I could barely finish the box of cookies I had opened and was eating as I walked around the store.*
     I was about to complain about it to the manager when I saw something interesting.  They have a new line of Hallmark greeting cards by President Obama.**
     I picked one up.  On the front of the card it said:  I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.  And, when you opened it up, the inside of the card said:  Michele told me to leave that nasty man alone.
     That peaked my curiosity.  I read the rest of them.

I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.  He also had no hands.  That made me even sadder.  It reminded me that I didn't have gloves, either.

I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.  Oh, how I wish that man were Mitt Romney.

I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.  Shouldn't he go get a job or something?

I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.  So I took his shoes.  What does HE need them for?

I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.  That gives me an idea.  If re-elected, I promise to take away feet from the rich and give them to the poor.

I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.  I wonder if there's a way to tax him for not having feet?

I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.  That made me feel better, because now I had someone to make fun of.

I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. Since he turned out to be a Republican, I didn't care.

I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. 
     "How'd you lose your feet?" I asked him.
     "None of your damn business," he told me.
     I hate that guy.

I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.  I thought about how that man had no way to get himself to the voting booth in November to vote.
     "See ya," I told him.

I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.
     "When life hands you lemons," I told him, "make lemonade.  Now get the Hell out of my sight!  You sicken me!"
 
I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.  So I took his wallet.  Let's just see him try and catch me.
 
I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. After that, I immediately felt much better.

I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. Man, he sure looked funny without feet.

I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. And then I laughed and laughed and laughed. Thank you, man without feet. Thank you for making me feel better.

I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.  That's when I first realized that my happiness depended on the misery of others.
 
 

Fifty Shades of Funny

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*Did I pay for the cookies?  Hey, crime doesn't pay!

**See 5-5-12.***

***What are you looking here for?  I said see 5-5-12!