I'm Just Saying...

     I'm not saying my ex is fat, I'm just saying she's lost weight, so, like Pluto, she's no longer classified as a planet.

     I'm not saying my ex is fat, I'm just saying when she rode on It's A Small World, Disneyland had to change the name of the ride.

     I'm not saying my ex is fat, I'm just saying the tide rises and lowers depending on how close she stands to the ocean.

     I'm not saying my ex is fat, I'm just saying space aliens have built a secret base on the dark side of her moon.

     I'm not saying my ex is fat, I'm just saying friends to try to set her up no longer tell the potential date that she has a nice personality. They just admit that, "yeah, she's fat."

     I'm not saying my ex is fat, I'm just saying even Captain Kirk refuses to go "where no man has gone before."

     I'm not saying my ex is fat, I'm just saying she once jumped for joy... and got stuck!

     I'm not saying my ex is fat, I'm just saying, you've heard of A Boy Named Sue? Well, she's A Girl Named Sue-weee!

     I'm not saying my ex is fat, I'm just saying the shirpas of Mount Everest have a base camp located on her left knee.

     I'm not saying my ex is fat, I'm just saying that there's no such thing as Global Warming. That's just my ex having one of her hot flashes.

     I'm not saying my ex is fat, I'm just saying that Japan never had a tsunami until my ex did a cannonball into the Pacific Ocean.

     I'm not saying my ex is fat, I'm just saying the once very pregnant Kim Kardashian laughs at the size of her ass.

     I'm not saying my ex is fat, I'm just saying she was initially chosen to play "Precious," but the director couldn't figure out a way to make her fit the screen.

     I'm not saying my ex is fat, I'm just saying when the Greek God Sisyphus was given a choice to either push a boulder or my ex up a mountain, he chose the boulder.

     I'm not saying my ex is fat, I'm just saying when you think of the irresitable force versus the immovable object, think of my ex's asscheeks pressing against each other.

     I'm not saying my ex is fat, I'm just saying the zoo pays her to walk around so that the elephants can feel thin.

     I'm not saying my ex is fat, I'm just saying that, whenever she steps outside, people think there's an eclipse.

     I'm not saying my ex is fat, I'm just saying she once farted in New Orleans and the National Weather Service named it Katrina.

American Chimpanzee

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@JimDuchene