Fox News Application For Employment

Name:
 
Sex: Male ( )  Female ( )
 

If you checked "Male," consider yourself hired.

If you checked "Female," please continue.

 
Date of Birth:
  Address:
 
Phone:
 
What are your likes and dislikes? For example, do you like older men?
Yes ( )  No ( )
 
I mean, really  older men?
Yes ( )  No ( )
 
Men so old that, when Moses parted the Red Sea, they were on the other side fishing?
Yes ( )  No ( )
 
Where do you shop for your underwear?
( ) Victoria's Secret
( ) Frederick's of Hollywood
( ) I don't wear any underwear.
 
In that case, will you wear short skirts to work?
Yes ( )  No ( )
 
How short?
( ) above the knee
( ) mid-thigh
( ) Like this application, my skirt will be long enough to cover everything, but short enough to keep one's attention.
 
Do you believe in conspiracies?
Yes ( )  No ( )

Do you know what the word "conspiracies" even means?
Yes ( )  No ( )

What do you think of the following conspiratorial coincidence?: "Shortly before his assassination, President Lincoln was in Monroe, Maryland. Shortly before his assassination, President Kennedy was in Marilyn Monroe."
( ) I find it interesting.
( ) I find it uninteresting.
( ) President Kennedy was assassinated?
 
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: "I believe it's important to do anything you're told to make your way up the corporate ladder."
Agree ( )  Disagree ( )
 
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: "I will do anything I'm told to make my way up the corporate ladder."
Agree ( )  Disagree ( )
 
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: "How President Clinton treated women in the privacy of the White House was in the interest of National Security."
Agree ( )  Disagree ( )
 
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: "Whatever 'happy endings' Vice-President Al Gore can negotiate in a massage parlor is between him and his masseuse."
Agree ( )  Disagree ( )
 
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: "It was okay for David Letterman to have sex at work with his female employees because he was their boss, after all."
Agree ( )  Disagree ( )
 

Complete the following statement: "Sharing a hot tub with Roman Polanski would be..."
( ) enticing.
( ) unappealing.
( ) Is he considering hiring me for a job or what?
 
Complete the following: "A good employee would..."
( ) cause her boss' stress.
( ) relieve her boss' stress.
 
   Complete the following:
1. "I promise not to kiss and _____."
2. "What happens in Vegas, stays in _____."
3. "Snitches get _____."
4. "Loose lips sink _____."
 
Complete the following:
1) Listen is to ear as see is to _____.
2) Do is to don't as will is to _____.
3) Jump is to walk as shout is to _____.
 
In case of an emergency, please contact:
( ) my mother
( ) my father
( ) Ron Jeremy
 

Thank you for your interest in working for Fox News.

 
 

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