American Chimpanzee

Success 101 You'll know you're successful the first time you hear someone brag that they knew you in high school.   Save The Whales! Unless they taste good.   Daffynitions! Expert: A person who may not have all the answers, but is sure he could get them with the proper funding.   I'm at an age where lunch tires me out.   Fake News Reports! Colin Kaepernick Is The New Face Of Nike! Congratulations, Nike. You've just re-elected President Trump.   Fake News Reports! Pastor Charles H. Ellis III GROPES Ariana Grande At Aretha Franklin's Funerals On LIVE TV! And what did her fiancé Pete Davidson do? Nothing. He was too busy hiding behind Ann Coulter's mini-skirt.   My first marriage was like my ex at the gym... It just didn't work out.   Fake News Reports! Serena Williams LOSES Open Final In Controversial Match! Accuses Chair Umpire Of Being Sexist! "That's COMPLETELY untrue," the chair ...

as featured in Desert Exposure Magazine desertexposure.com     Lest you think I consider my father a burden, I don't.     It's just if all I wrote about were unicorns and rainbows, both you and I would be bored. Besides, I find everything my father does incredibly entertaining. Maybe not at the time, but, you know, when I look back. Now I understand the saying, "I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing with you." I'm not laughing at my father, because I'm just like him. I'm laughing with him, because I can see what the future has in store for me.     Old age takes pity on no one.     One of the reasons we bought this particular house is because it had a small guest house in the front where we knew my father could live and have his privacy. It was a way for him to keep his independence, yet let us keep an eye on him at the same time. In his home away from home he has his own TV with its own satellite sign...

Success 101: An ounce of gold cannot buy a second of time.   Things That Make Me Go Hmm... Why aren't there any FAT vampires?   Daffynitions Economist: Someone who doesn't have the personality to be an accountant.   A galss of wine at night may decrease the risk of heart attacks, but it INCRREASES the risk of pregnancy.   I may look like a frog, but I'm really an enchanted prince. You can break the spell... ...by giving me your credit card number.   Daffynitions Sports Fan: Someone who yells at an athlete for being an idiot, and then can't find his own car in the parking lot after the game.   I've eaten so much I can't move. Not that I planned to.   Things That Make Me Go Hmm... You know what I never see? I never see a fat guy who's old.   The Good Old Days A time when my hair had more body, and my body had less hair.     American Chimpanzee JimDuchene.BlogSpot.com RaisingMyFat...