American Chimpanzee

Fake News Reports!    China Sends Medical Experts To North Korea To Treat Kim Jong-Un! "Other than exposing him to the Coronavirus and then lying about it, there's nothing else we can do," they say.    Young Black & Hispanic Californians Are DYING At Higher Rates From The Coronavirus! "Nobody tells ME to social distance," they told their friends and family just before they got sick.    Young Black & Hispanic Californians Are DYING At Higher Rates From The Coronavirus! "Wear a mask? That's for old, white people," they were quoted as saying on the way to the hospital.    Chinese & American Researchers Are Now Working TOGETHER To Discover Where The Coronavirus Came From! "Our job is to look in one direction," a U.S. researcher says, "while theirs is to point in the other."    Brad Pitt IMPERSONATES Dr. Anthony Fauci On SNL! "We're a lot alike," the movie star said. "We both like to sm...

Fake News Reports!    A North Korean Defector Has Won A Political Position In South Korea's Government In Their Recent Election! "Heh-heh-heh," the rotund dictator Kim Jong-Un chuckles maniacally. "Phase One is complete."    Due To The Coronavirus Pandemic, Over 100,000 Clean Energy Workers Have Lost Their Jobs! Was the world's energy clean? No. Then they weren't doing their job.    Due To The Coronavirus Pandemic, Over 100,000 clean energy workers Have Lost Their Jobs! Have you looked under the couch?    Things To Do: 1) Spend all my waking hours working towards my dreams. 2) Sleep so much that I have no waking hours.    Fake New's Two-Point Weight-Loss Tip: 1) Go to a voodoo priest and have him make a voodoo doll of yourself. 2) Put the doll on a treadmill and let IT do all the work.    The MCU's Tom Holland Wished Jimmy Kimmel's Three-Year-Old Son A Very Happy Birthday As Spider-Man...

Fake News Reports!    Kelly Ripa Got Emotional On Her Wednesday Show Talking About The Stress Of Social Distancing! "How can I ignore my fans and berate my employees if they can't come near me?" she weeps.    "I hear ya, sister," Ellen DeGeneres agrees from her Hollywood mansion.    Serge Rivera, SeaWorld's CEO, Has Resigned After Furloughing 90% Of His Workforce! "All this could have been avoided if they would only agreed to be paid in plankton," he lamented.    The Easter Bunny walks into a bar. "Can you serve me some carrot juice?" "I'd be hoppy to," the bartender says.    The New York Times Accuses President Trump Of, Despite Early Warnings, Being Slow To Act! Except in comparison with every other politician or news media source.    NASCAR Driver Kyle Larson Has Been Suspended Indefinitely Without Pay For Using An Offensive Racial Slur! "Let it be clear," a spokesman said, "that ...

Six. Word. Horror. Stories.    One: "Coronavirus, Schmaronavirus... not missing my flight!"    Two: "Fuck this quarantine! I'm going OUT!"    Three: "I ain't wearing no friggin' mask!"    Four: " Of course we're ALL getting together!"    Five: "How's throwing a party gonna hurt?"    Six: " Of course I trust the Chinese."    Seven: "Don't worry, it's just my allergies."    Eight: "...No reason to... fear... this situation." --New York Governor Andrew Cuomo about the Coronavirus on February 2nd of 2020          Nine: "Come because... everything is fine here." --San Franciscan Congresswoman & Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi about celebrating the Chinese New Year in Chinatown on February 24th of 2020    Ten: "...Masks... aren't recommended for general public." --one of Surgeon General Jerome A...

Fake News Reports!      Presidential Wannabe Joe Biden Has Reached Out To President Trump And Offered His Help In Coming Up With A Coronavirus Battle Plan! And how much  pandemic experience do you have, Joe? "None." Yeah... ...that's what I thought.    Presidential Wannabe Joe Biden Has Reached Out To Donald Trump, Offering His Help In Developing A Strategy For Fighting The Coronavirus! "Just ignore him," Barack Obama advised the president, "like I did."    CNN's Anchor Chris Cuomo Described To Viewers His Fight For Life Against The Fatal Coronavirus! "First, I got a rash with little open sores all over my genitalia, then it began to burn when I urinated, and the constant drip, drip, drip that soiled my underwear drove me nuts."    Wisdom doesn't necessarily come with age. Sometimes age shows up all by itself. Just like my mother-in-law.    Scientists Say Human Feces Can Be Used To Predict Coron...

Fake News Reports!      The View 's Whoopi Goldberg Attacks Bernie Sanders For Continuing To Run Against Joe Biden! "What do you think this is?" she griped with a vitriol she usually reserves for Trump supporters. "A democracy?"    Twitter Informs Us That The Bloomberg Opinion Opines That "Essential Workers" In This Time Of The Coronavirus "Deserve HIGHER Wage Than The Unemployed"! By definition, an EMPLOYED person already receives a higher wage than an UNEMPLOYED person.    The Democratic National Convention Has Been Postponed Until Mid-August Due To This Nation's Serious Health Crises! "We're hoping that by then Joe Biden will have found a cure," the DNC said, "for his Alzheimer's."    A Pakistani Court Overturns Murder Conviction Of British-Born Muslim Extremist Found Guilty Of The Kidnapping & Brutal Beheading Of U.S. Journalist Daniel Pearl! The Sindh High Court also acquitted h...

as featured in Desert Exposure Magazine   You don’t love your grandchildren more than you love your own kids, but it’s a different kind of love. Maybe the difference is as simple as, by the time your grandkids come around, your own children are grown and you’ve forgotten what it was like when they were babies.      My grandson is up for anything, so I like to take him hiking and camping with me. In my opinion, winter is the best time to camp because that’s when the creeps and the crooks stay home. When he was about two, we were hiking in the Joshua Tree National Park . Since there was no one else around, I was letting him throw rocks, which I don’t normally let him do.      “Throw one HARD,” I told him, and he did.      He let one fly and the rock hit a tree, bounced back, and smacked my poor grandson in the forehead. He cried, but only for awhile. After that, we laughed about it.   ...

Fake News Reports!    Number One Rule For Dealing With Children Or Your Elderly Parents: Never go anywhere without making sure THEY "go" first.    Harry & Meghan Markle Are Leaving Canada! "Come back when you can't stay so long," Canada says.    Kathy Griffin! DEAD! "Y0u're thinking about my career," the perky comedian points out.    Kathy Griffin Walks into the Coronavirus Wards of a hospital with Donald Trump sitting on her head. Can I help you?" the doctor wants to know. "You can get this thing off my ass," the President says.    Kathy Griffin walks into the Coronavirus Ward of a hospital carrying a pig under her arm. "Get that filthy, disgusting thing out of here!" a doctor says. "You can't talk to me that way," Kathy complains. "I was talking to the pig," the doctor says.    Divorce Rumors Swirl As Portia de Rossi Moves Out Of Her And Ellen DeGeneres' Marital Hom...