American Chimpanzee

  Fake News Reports! Vice President Kamala Harris Makes A Last  Minute Trip To El Paso Today, Bringing Alejandro Mayorkas With Her! And what experience do YOU bring to the table, Mr. Mayorkas, to help solve the border crisis? “We’ll, my name IS Alejandro,” the Homeland Security Secretary offers. ********** El Paso Gets Ready For A Last Minute Visit From Kamala Harris! Decides to just hide everything in the closet. **********   In Anticipation Of Kamala Harris’ Last Minute Trip To El Paso, City Decides To Forego Sit-Ups And Just Hold In Its Gut The Entire Time! **********   El Paso’s Premier Newspaper—The El Paso Times—Tells Us What We Cam Expect From Kamala Harris’ Last Minute Trip To The City! “You know… a little of this, a little of that.” **********   After Putting Off Dealing With The Border Crisis For As Long As She Could, Kamala Harris In Air Force Two Finally Touches Down In El Paso! “Sa- aay ,” she offers cautiously, looking over the crowd there to greet...

  Fake News Reports!    In The Recent U.S./Russia Summit, Joe Biden Gave Vladimir Putin A List Of 16 Targets That Are Off-Limits To Cyber Attacks, OR…    …to put it another way, Biden gave Putin a list of 16 targets. ********** Santa Fe, New Mexico Is Implementing Universal Basic Income Which Guarantees An Income To People Who Do Nothing!    You know them as politicians.   ********** New Mexico To End Its Covid Restrictions On July 1st!    In the meantime, sit down and shut up.   ********** My father used to say, “If you don’t have anything nice to say about someone… you’re my kind of guy.”   ********** The CDC Director Assures The American People That Masks Are Safe And Effective And…    “…help you hide your identity when you’re secretly meeting with the Chinese.”   **********  For Father’s Day, The Thoughtful Meghan Markle Gave Her Husband A BENCH!    “I love it!” gushed The Royal Formally Known ...

  My granddaughter is six now, but back before her last birthday she said something that gave me a chuckle.      She's not a picky eater, but she won't eat what she doesn't like. She WILL, however, give something a try.      When I was a kid, I didn't like liver, but I used to suffer through it by drowning it in ketchup.      "What's  that? " my granddaughter wanted to know.      "Liver," I told her. "You want some?"      "Sure," she said, so I cut her a small piece.      By the disgusting face she made, she didn't like it.      " Ugh! " she said, spitting it out. "It tastes like  COVID!"   American Chimpanzee JimDuchene.BlogSpot.com RaisingMyFather.BlogSpot.com @JimDuchene  

  Fake News Reports! British Prime Minister Boris Johnson says G-7 nations all swear on their pinkies to give 1 billion Trump vaccine doses to poorer countries.    “You don’t mind picking up the tab for that, do you, United States? We’ll pay you back later.” ********** The San Francisco Chronicle Wonders If The City By The Bay Will Be The First To Achieve Herd Immunity!    Um… and which social disease are we talking about, San Francisco?   ********** The Washington Post Reports A Houston-Based Hospital System Suspended  Workers Who Did Not Comply With Their Vaccine Mandate!    That’s okay.    I didn’t really want to clean out all those bedpans anyway.   ********** Lord, grant me the ability to avoid the people I don’t like, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.   ********** My wife found a suppository in my ear.    Now she’s asking me where I put my hearing aid. ...

Fake News Reports! Brian Williams, On His MSNBC Show  The 11th Hour , Shows “The Ad Fox News Doesn’t Want You To See!”      All twelve of his viewers were outraged. ********** Titanic Star Kate Winslet Explains To The New York Times Why People Love Her  Mare Of Easttown  Character!      “Because of ME! Me, Me, ME!” ********** The Boston Globe Reports Our Hottest Spring EVER, While The Bloomberg QuickTake Reports Europe Is Experiencing Its Coldest!      What does that mean for Climate Change?      It means— c’mon, man —get your stories straight. ********** If it doesn’t make me happy or make me money, it’s a waste of my time. ********** State Senator Katy Duhigg, Sponsor Of NM’s Pot Legalization Bill, Plans On Opening A “Full-Service” Marijuana Law Firm:      Cheech & Chong & Associates! ********** Biden Deploys Killer Cicadas To Immobilize Press Plane Determined To Report On His Trip To Eur...

 as featured in Desert Exposure Magazine I've told you before, but my father likes to watch the very expensive MLB channel my beautiful wife is kind enough to force me to buy for him.       I know baseball is our national sport, but I personally don't understand its appeal. How can a game that lasts so long and passes so slow be so popular? However, that’s not a fault in the game. That’s a fault in me. You see, I was born missing the sports gene.      My guess to why my father spends so much of his elderly life watching baseball is that it slows down time for him. Now that the finish line to his life is fast approaching, he's looking for anything to slow it down, and baseball fits that bill.      I’ll join him in front of the TV sometimes, and that’s where I was when my beautiful wife came back into the house after a trip to the mailbox. She handed my father a letter from his brother who lives in anothe...

 Fake News Reports! Being a caregiver is a challenge, but it’s a beautiful challenge. ********** The FBI Blames RUSSIA For The Recent Cyber Hack!      “Aw, what do those lying, dog-faced pony soldiers know?” President Joe Biden asks no one in particular. ********** Joe Biden Has Announced His Plan To Distribute 80 Million Doses Of The Trump Vaccine Worldwide!        That’s a good plan, Joe.      “What plan?” ********** Bloomberg Wealth Reports That In Every Category Millennials Are Doing Worse Financially Than Every Generation That Came Before Them!      Funny, you would think that with them still living with their parents they’d have more money. ********** Rio Arriba County Sheriff James Lujan’s Felony Trial Begins!      “Is there some way we can blame this on Trump?” defense attorney  Jason Bowles wonders. ********** Reuters Reports On The Touching Story Of A 2-Decade Friendship Between Wild Peli...