The Week In Tweets: Special The Perfect Sport Edition!

 Fake News Reports!


British Prime Minister Boris Johnson says G-7 nations all swear on their pinkies to give 1 billion Trump vaccine doses to poorer countries.
   “You don’t mind picking up the tab for that, do you, United States? We’ll pay you back later.”

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The San Francisco Chronicle Wonders If The City By The Bay Will Be The First To Achieve Herd Immunity!
   Um… and which social disease are we talking about, San Francisco?
 
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The Washington Post Reports A Houston-Based Hospital System Suspended  Workers Who Did Not Comply With Their Vaccine Mandate!
   That’s okay.
   I didn’t really want to clean out all those bedpans anyway.
 
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Lord, grant me the ability to avoid the people I don’t like, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
 
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My wife found a suppository in my ear.
   Now she’s asking me where I put my hearing aid.
 
@elriobravo replied: “Be glad she didn’t find a rectal thermometer in your shirt pocket, ‘cause then we’d know where your pen is.”

To which I said: “…which explains my trip to the ER.”
 
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 Soccer is the perfect sport for ugly virgins.
   You don’t get to use your hands and you almost never score.
 
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The G7 Came To An Uncomfortable Conclusion When Canada’s Prime Minister Justin Trudeau Donned Blackface To Bid Everyone A Theatrical Adieu! 
 
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Greg Zanetti Throws His Hat Into New Mexico’s 2022 Governor Race!
   “First thing I’m going to do,” he promises, “is change my last name.”
 
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Kamala Harris Invites Every Single Female Senator To Dinner At The Naval Observatory!
   “Maybe one of them can tell me what to do about the border crisis.”
 
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The New York Times Interviews Dr. Shi Zhengli, A Virologist From China’s Wuhan Institute of Virology, And She Says…
   BANG!
...technical difficulties...please stand by...
 
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Jim Duchene
Fake News Chief Correspondent
  
 
American Chimpanzee
JimDuchene.BlogSpot.com
RaisingMyFather.BlogSpot.com
@JimDuchene
  

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