American Chimpanzee

  Fake News Reports!    Within Hours Of Being Discovered By Astronomers, An Asteroid CRASHES Into The Earth! “What a waste of a perfectly good Extinction Level Event,” said disaster movie director Michael Bay. ********* Within Hours Of Being Discovered By Astronomers, An Asteroid CRASHES Into The Earth! “Don’t blame me,” deflects Joe Biden, when asked about the rising cost of everything, “blame the racist asteroid.” ********* After Two Years, The New York Times Has Finally Confirmed That The Incriminating Hunter Biden Laptop Is Authentic! Why is the news media always the last to know? ********* The Largest Study To Date Conducted By Experts & Science Indicates That Ivermectin Is Ineffective Against Severe Covid-Xi Cases! Hey, I’ve got a crazy idea: why don’t we administer a coronavirus cure BEFORE it’s too late? ********* CDC Admits It “Accidentally” Inflated Covid-Xi Death Numbers In Children Due To “Coding Logic Error”! I know,  know… math is hard. ********* If...

  Fake News Reports!    Russia Bombs Mosque Near Ukraine Capital! “Da, is good I not believe in God,” a pompous Putin pronounces. ********* After A Rash Of People Illegally Trying To Smuggle Bologna Into The United States, The U.S. Border Patrol Announces There Is “Nothing Funny” About Bologna Smuggling! Yes, there is. ********* Saturday Night Live’s Sultan Of Stench Pete Davidson Is Getting Ready To Play Himself In A “Raw, Unflinching, Fictionalized” Comedy About His Life! In SMELL-O-VISION! ********* For our anniversary, my wife wanted me to take her somewhere expensive, so I took her to fill up her car. ********* Inflation & The Price Of Gas Are Both At An All Time High! In a related story, Congress just gave itself a whopping 21% raise. ********* A Fake News Correction: Fact Checkers Have Determined That Congress DID NOT Receive A 21% Pay Raise! “We’ll have to make due with our usual graft and bribes.” ********* Russia BOMBS Ukraine Movie Theater In The Southern S...

  Fake News Reports!    If you ask me, the squeaky wheel doesn’t get the grease. It gets thrown out. ********* Biden Scheduled To Sign His Executive Order Concerning Cryptocurrency This Week! “What’s cryptocurrency?” wonders the 79-year-old Joe, pen in hand. ********* Why don’t the voices in my head ever tell me to take my medication? ********* The least the government could do is give me a fake cell phone so when I’m talking to myself I don’t look crazy. ********* As The World Turns Its Financial Backs On Putin, Russia Becomes More And More Dependent On China For Its Economic Survival! “I hope Taiwan is as easy to take over,” says a smugly satisfied Xi Jinping. ********* Sources Confirm There Is No Credible Evidence Federal Agencies Or Operatives Were Involved In Instigating The January 6th Capital Protest! Saying there is no CREDIBLE evidence is not the same as saying there is NO evidence. ********* Russia BOMBS Maternity Hospital! I see Putin & the Russian people ...

 as featured in Desert Exposure Magazine RaisingDad by Jim and Henry Duchene   Babies Get All The Attention “I love kids. I used to be one myself.”   My granddaughter is about to become a big sister. The first six years of her life she yearned for a sibling to play with. Her seventh? Not so much.      “I thought you  wanted  a little brother or sister?” her mother, my middle daughter, asked when my granddaughter's response was less than enthusiastic.      “That was before I knew babies get all the attention,” she groused.      And that’s true. My youngest daughter always teases me about the day my granddaughter was born. Until then, she had been the baby of the family. We took her older sister to the hospital at FOUR in the morning. Two hours later, my youngest was  starving . Unfortunately for her, six was when her sister’s cesarian was scheduled, so breakfast could be a matter of m...

  Fake News Reports!    As The People Of The Ukraine Stand Up To Putin And Fight His Russian Invasion, American College Students Panic As Raccoon Falls From Ceiling In The Louisiana State University Dining Hall! I fear for our country. ********* “Hank the Tank”, A 500-Pound Bear, Has Been Breaking Into California Homes For Food! Joe Biden appoints Kamala Harris to determine what the root causes of the bear’s aggressive encroachment into our sovereign lands are. ********* With Violent Crime Up By Double-Digits In New York, A 57-Year-Old Lady Was Robbed After Being Kicked Down A Flight Of Subway Stairs And Attacked With A Hammer, Fracturing Her Skull! “I’m still voting Democrat,” she promises. ********* Albuquerque’s Gateway Center Is All Set To Open! …for women only. Sexism is alive and well in New Mexico. ********* Setting A Dangerous Precedent For Former & Future Presidents, Joe Biden Plans To Deny Michael Flynn’s & Peter Navarro’s Executive Privilege Claims!...