The Week In Tweets: Special Kim & Pete Edition!

 Fake News Reports!

  

Russia Bombs Mosque Near Ukraine Capital!

“Da, is good I not believe in God,” a pompous Putin pronounces.

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After A Rash Of People Illegally Trying To Smuggle Bologna Into The United States, The U.S. Border Patrol Announces There Is “Nothing Funny” About Bologna Smuggling!

Yes, there is.

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Saturday Night Live’s Sultan Of Stench Pete Davidson Is Getting Ready To Play Himself In A “Raw, Unflinching, Fictionalized” Comedy About His Life!

In SMELL-O-VISION!

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For our anniversary, my wife wanted me to take her somewhere expensive, so I took her to fill up her car.

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Inflation & The Price Of Gas Are Both At An All Time High!

In a related story, Congress just gave itself a whopping 21% raise.

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A Fake News Correction:

Fact Checkers Have Determined That Congress DID NOT Receive A 21% Pay Raise!

“We’ll have to make due with our usual graft and bribes.”

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Russia BOMBS Ukraine Movie Theater In The Southern Seaport Of Mariupol!

“What can I say?” explained the cranky Putin. "I hate Batman."

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SNL’s Very Aromatic Pete Davidson Had Kim Kardashian’s Name BRANDED Into His Skin!

Hmm… yeah… no red flags there, Kim.

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SNL’s Particularly Pungent Pete Davidson Had Kim Kardashian’s Name BRANDED Into His Skin! Well, THAT’S not creepy.

Not creepy at all.

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SNL’s Frequently Fragrant Pete Davidson Had Kim Kardashian’s Name BRANDED Into His Skin! Can you spell r-e-s-t-r-a-i-n-i-n-g-o-r-d-e-r?

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SNL’s Favorite Smelly Boy Pete Davidson Had Kim Kardashian’s Name BRANDED Into His Skin! Don’t stories like that usually end with “were found dead in an apparent murder/suicide”?

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God give me patience.

AND GIVE IT TO ME NOW!

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Jim Duchene

Fake News Chief Correspondent

read my RaisingDad humor column for caregivers at

Desert Exposure Magazine

desertexposure.com

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