American Chimpanzee

  Fake News Reports!   Comedian Dave Chappelle Was Attacked Last Night While Performing On Stage At The Hollywood Bowl! Will Smith was unavailable for comment. *********  Pete Davidson Returns To Standup! Isn’t comedy supposed to be funny? *********  Pete Davidson Reveals That He Has Kim Kardashian’s Children Tattooed On His Body! Yeah, like THAT’S not a red flag. *********   Meghan Markle’s Archewell Series Canceled When Netflix Realizes There’s No Audience For Crap! ********* Joe Biden Cancels $6.8 Billion In Student Loan Debt For Over 110,000 People! “What the heck, it’s not MY money.” ********* The View’s Joy Behar Takes Back Her Call For A “Sex Strike” Should The Supreme Court Overturn Roe Vs Wade When She Realizes A Sex Strike Would Lead To Less Abortions! ********* Amber Heard Cries Without Tears While Testifying Against Johnny Depp! Hmm… I wonder what LeBron James Has To Say About That? ********* In Response To The Roe Vs Wade Controversy, Canadian Prime...

  Fake News Reports! “A bum asked me for a bite… so I bit him.” FALSE! Twitter fact-checkers have determined there is no evidence of Henny Youngman ever having bitten a bum. ********* A Clinical Study Has Shown Ivermectin Does NOT Help With Covid-Xi! In a related story, a clinical study has determined that Ivermectin DOES help with Covid-Xi. Trust the experts, kids. ********* According To The Huffington Post, Experts Suggest That Even If You DON’T Have Covid-Xi, You Could STILL Have Covid-Xi!       Trust the experts, kids. ********* “I once shot an elephant in my pajamas. What he was doing in my pajamas, I’ll never know.” FALSE! Twitter fact-checkers have determined that an elephant could not have fit in Groucho Marx’s pajamas. ********* The Thirst Trap: Your badge can get you women, but women can get your badge. ********* “You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.” FALSE! Twitter fact-checkers have determined that Bob Hope is incorrect. ...

  as featured in Desert Exposure Magazine Growing up, my father was always on me for one thing or another.       When I was in high school, and prone to testing the limits of my curfew when I’d go out on a Friday or Saturday night , he would always make it a point to wake me early the next morning.      "Da- aaad ," I'd whine, covering my head with the blanket.      "Just get out of bed," he'd say.       I'm sure he was trying to teach me a lesson, but it was a lesson I didn't want to learn. It took awhile, but the lesson I eventually learned was, if I got up, he would go inside, and I could then lay on the floor out of sight on the other side of the bed, happily spending the rest of the morning in dreamland. Happily, that is, until he discovered what I was doing.      My snoring gave me away.      As a kid, I was forever fo...