The Week In Tweets: Special Ministry Of Truth Edition!

 Fake News Reports!

“A bum asked me for a bite… so I bit him.”

FALSE!

Twitter fact-checkers have determined there is no evidence of Henny Youngman ever having bitten a bum.

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A Clinical Study Has Shown Ivermectin Does NOT Help With Covid-Xi!

In a related story, a clinical study has determined that Ivermectin DOES help with Covid-Xi.

Trust the experts, kids.

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According To The Huffington Post, Experts Suggest That Even If You DON’T Have Covid-Xi, You Could STILL Have Covid-Xi!

      Trust the experts, kids.

*********

“I once shot an elephant in my pajamas. What he was doing in my pajamas, I’ll never know.” FALSE! Twitter fact-checkers have determined that an elephant could not have fit in Groucho Marx’s pajamas.

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The Thirst Trap:

Your badge can get you women, but women can get your badge.

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“You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.”

FALSE!

Twitter fact-checkers have determined that Bob Hope is incorrect. It is not possible for anyone to get to an age where candles would cost more than cake.

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“Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.”

FALSE!

Twitter fact-checkers have determined that E.D. medication has eradicated that problem. Sadly, George Burns died before they were developed.

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“A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.”

FALSE!

Although Milton Berle’s wife may have been the exception, Twitter fact-checkers have determined that a wife will NEVER forgive her husband, ESPECIALLY when she’s the one who is wrong.

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“Take my wife. PLEASE!”

FALSE!

Twitter fact-checkers have determined that after 58 years of staying married to his wife Sadie, it is unlikely that anyone ever took Henny Youngman up on his offer.

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“I got fired from the sperm bank for drinking on the job.”

It is Twitter’s policy to not fact-check anything concerning Hunter Biden.

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Jim Duchene

Fake News Chief Correspondent


read my RaisingDad humor column for caregivers at

Desert Exposure Magazine

desertexposure.com

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