American Chimpanzee

   ​ We were in Mexico for two weeks.      My wife and I considered this vacation our official honeymoon   s ince  we never went on a proper one when we jumped the broom  25 years ago .  ​      The first week we spent at an exclusive resort in Cancun called Krystal. It was all-inclusive, meaning the food, the drinks, the female companionship was already paid for. I'm kidding about the female companionship part. At least if my wife is reading this. ​      As we entered the resort, the first  person  who came up to us was a   guy selling timeshares. I tell my kids when someone you don’t know walks up to you with a smile on their face they want to sell you something, and this guy had a BIG smile on his face. ​      He was young, with movie-star good looks, so  I took a picture of him schmoozing my wife and her cousin Laura  and sent it to my youngest daughter ...

        Well, I'm back. ​     I wish I could promise you twice the jokes to make up for the time I was gone and didn't publish, but that's not going to happen.       Yes, my friends, it seems like only yesterday I was drowning in the ocean, and now I'm home pulling weeds. For those of you kind enough to ask, my wife and I had a great time. It was fun. Really, really fun.       Two days into it I was ready to come home.       I missed my girls.      The flight to Cancun was uneventful, the pilot even managing to keep the plane upright the entire journey. A lot of people were traveling. Even men with man buns. I saw a girl wearing a  Hawk  Tuah  t-shirt, but, as it turns out, it just said Hua Tul Co, which was a fancy way of spelling the city of Huatulco, which was named after the 60s television dance show  Hullabaloo .      L...

   By the time you read this I'll be retired.      My older brother, who I sometimes write this column with, retired years ago because he’s, well, older.      I knew it was time for me to retire because everything at work began to irritate me. Heck, these days I get irritated when they rearrange the aisles in a grocery store.       To celebrate this milestone, my wife and I are traveling to Mexico for a second honeymoon. I love Mexican food, so I’m really looking forward to it. You never realize how little self-control you have until chips and salsa are placed in front of you. I’ve tried cooking Mexican food myself, but it just isn’t the same. Speaking of cooking, have you noticed how everybody has their favorite stove top burner? We don’t talk about it, but it’s true.      Anyway, my point is I’ll be off and not posting anything for two weeks. When I used to read Dave Barry and Gene Weingarten (who are also avai...