American Chimpanzee

10) Lose weight. 9) Pretend you're someone else. Preferably, a man. 8) Tell her, "I love you," "You're beautiful," "Here's my PIN number." 7) Touch her right there. No, I mean right there. More to the left, you idiot! Forget it, she just wants to go home now. 6) Last longer. No, that's too long. Does she have to tell you everything? 5) Cry. Don't worry, she won't think less of you. All of her friends will, though. 4) Tell her your deepest, darkest secrets, so she can use them against you later. 3) Stop calling her "mommy." 2) The dishes. 1) Leave. American Chimpanzee JimDuchene.BlogSpot.com RaisingMyFather.BlogSpot.com @JimDuchene  

  "That's the last time I accept an invitation to speak to college students at a university!"     American Chimpanzee JimDuchene.BlogSpot.com RaisingMyFather.BlogSpot.com @JimDuchene   

Name:   Sex: Male ( )  Female ( )   If you checked "Male," consider yourself hired. If you checked "Female," please continue.   Date of Birth:   Address:   Phone:   What are your likes and dislikes? For example, do you like older men? Yes ( )  No ( )   I mean, really   older men? Yes ( )  No ( )   Men so old that, when Moses parted the Red Sea, they were on the other side fishing? Yes ( )  No ( )   Where do you shop for your underwear? ( ) Victoria's Secret ( ) Frederick's of Hollywood ( ) I don't wear any underwear.   In that case, will you wear short skirts to work? Yes ( )  No ( )   How short? ( ) above the knee ( ) mid-thigh ( ) Like this application, my skirt will be long enough to cover everything, but short enough to keep one's attention.   Do you believe in conspiracies? Yes ( )  No ( ) Do you know what the word "c...

  "We're so happy Dr. Dao and his lawyer got their thirty pieces of silver. It makes starving to death easier."     American Chimpanzee JimDuchene.BlogSpot.com RaisingMyFather.BlogSpot.com @JimDuchene   

  Old Joke: A man goes up to a beautiful woman and asks if she would have sex with him for a million dollars. After thinking about it, she agrees. Then he asks her if she would have sex with him for five  dollars. "FIVE dollars?" she complains. "What kind of girl do you think I am?" "We've already established what you are," he explains. "Now we're just negotiating the price."   Congratulations on your negotiated settlement, Dr. Dao.     American Chimpanzee JimDuchene.BlogSpot.com RaisingMyFather.BlogSpot.com @JimDuchene  

  "I WANT TO BE JUST LIKE DR. DAO! WAH!"     American Chimpanzee JimDuchene.BlogSpot.com RaisingMyFather.BlogSpot.com @JimDuchene   

  "What's the matter with you, Dr. Dao?"     American Chimpanzee JimDuchene.BlogSpot.com RaisingMyFather.BlogSpot.com @JimDuchene