American Chimpanzee

as featured in Desert Exposure Magazine   RaisingDad by Jim and Henry Duchene Guilty Me “adventures in chicken land”      My eight-year-old granddaughter and I were on the west side of town picking up her new glasses. We live on the far east side of town. Why we had to drive all this way, you'll have to ask my wife. She's beautiful, but she has no sense of distance.      “Are you hungry?” I asked her as we left the eyeglass store.      “A little,” she said.      “What would you like?”      “Chick-fil-A.”      Fortunately, there’s always one close by. The last time we stopped at this particular one we took our food to a hiking trail and had an adventure. That was before the Great Toilet Paper Shortage. She must have been five or so. The time before that she was four. We were sitting next to the playground, but the rule was she had to finish...

    a story by my 9-year-old granddaughter The Monster Hero By Addison Olivia Duchene    I was putting my daughter to sleep when she asked me, "Mom, can you please tell me about the monster who saved you?"      "Okay," I told her, "here it goes. When I was a little girl, maybe 9-years-old, I was picking flowers to throw in the lake to see them float. Then I saw a reflection in the  water, but I couldn't make it out. The reflection was Frankenstein's monster, but I wasn't afraid of him. He looked like he was scared or had no friends, so I asked him, 'Do you want to join me?' He nodded and I gave him some flowers. We became friends. I turned away to throw some more flowers into the water and when I turned back he was gone.      "A couple of years later, when I was about 11-years-old, I was walking outside at night and was attacked by Dracula, and when I thought I was going to die Frankenstein's monster jumped out and saved me. He dist...

 as featured in Desert Exposure Magazine RaisingDad by Jim and Henry Duchene Under The Influence "thinking 'bout this and that"   Enjoy your youth.      Because when you get older it’s gonna hurt.      Case in point, I've just had a full knee replacement. When I first started having knee issues my doctor suggested I should drop a few pounds. I tried to excuse the excess poundage by explaining it runs in my family. He said it was obvious that NOBODY runs in my family.      When I got home from the hospital my granddaughter was so happy to see me that, along with a tender hug, she gave me a pack of gummy bears that she got for Christmas. She missed my tucking her in. It was only for one night, but I missed tucking her in, too.      My father… well, he had his own way of expressing his happiness.      “Since one of your legs is shorter than the other now,” ...

  a story by my 9-year-old granddaughter An Afterlife For Me On The Titanic By Addison Olivia Duchene    There I was, screaming, terrified, waiting. Just waiting to drown. My pets and friends… I didn’t have a chance to say goodbye.      I was hanging on to the pole right next to me, trying to hold myself up. My hands were sweaty and I let go. Trying to push myself up, I just drowned in the ocean.       The water was freezing cold and dark. Like a shadow came over me. I couldn’t hold my breath any longer, so I was suffocating. Then I saw a light, And the next thing I knew I died.       Then I was alive, but angry, sad, and confused.       Why was I alive?       I realized I was a ghost and wanted to get revenge on boats. Then I tried to find my body, but it was buried in the ocean floor. Then I realized I was alone.   ...

 as featured in Desert Exposure Magazine RaisingDad by Jim and Henry Duchene I Retired For This? “yeah, I thought so”    My wife and I were cleaning our oakwood floors downstairs.      Wood floors need a good, old fashioned cleaning and waxing several times a year to keep it rich looking, and all that cleaning and waxing takes an awful lot of elbow grease. With the grease usually coming from  MY  elbow. The whole affair takes too long to do all at once, so we break it up into sections.       Which reminds me of the following joke:         What did the broom say to the vacuum cleaner?      “I’m tired of people pushing us around.”        But I digress...      By we, I’m not including my father. He was sitting in his (my) favorite chair. I couldn't see him from where I was, but I knew he was there because I could...

 as featured in Desert Exposure Magazine RaisingDad by Jim and Henry Duchene Red Cheese Enchiladas "and, I’m begging you, no salad"   It's funny about the restaurant I used to buy my mother’s gourmet enchiladas from.      What am I talking about?      I'm talking about back when my beloved mother was still alive, I'd go over every Saturday morning for breakfast. When my schedule at work changed, so did the time I’d go over and visit. Breakfast became lunch, and the routine changed from her feeding me, to me feeding her. I always asked in advance what she would like, but her order never changed. It was always red cheese enchiladas, extra onions, and no salad.      "What about your father?" you might ask.      You sure do ask a lot of questions, my friend.      Well, my father preferred home-cooked meals, so my mother would grudgingly fix him something else to eat. ...