Mayor Cook's Home Homosexuality Test

Now that John Cook--mayor of El Paso and former Captain of the Starship Enterprise--has subverted the will of the people by restoring health benefits to gay city employees, the question now becomes:  How do you determine who is or is not, in fact, a homosexual?
     To address this, Mayor Cook, along with city Reps. Susie Byrd and Steve Ortega, instucted Larry Tate from the McMann & Tate Advertising Agency (the ad agency responsible for doing such a bang-up job promoting El Paso), to come up with a test to determine if a person is undeniably gay, and thus eligible for "domestic partner benefits."
     This is what they came up with:
 

MAYOR COOK'S HOME HOMOSEXUALITY TEST

 

1.  How would you tell your Uncle Moe that a particular girl is a prostitute?
     a)  She's a pro, Moe.
     b)  She's a hooker, Moe.
     c)  She's a ho, Moe.
 

2.  When your Uncle Moe wonders who your favorite singer is, you tell him...
     a)  Dean Martin, Moe.
     b)  Tom Jones, Moe.
     c)  Don Ho, Moe.
 

3.  Your Uncle Moe has forgotten how Santa Laughs.  Can you help him?
     a)  Ha, ha, ha, Moe.
     b)  Hee, hee, hee, Moe.
     c)  Ho, ho, ho, Moe.
 

4.  When Uncle Moe asks which is your favorite gardening tool, you answer...
     a)  The shovel, Moe.
     b)  The rake, Moe.
     c)  The hoe, Moe.
 

5.  After playing all day with your Uncle Moe, you say...
     a)  I'm leaving for my house, Moe.
     b)  I'm departing for my abode, Moe.
     c)  I'm going home, Moe.
 

BONUS QUESTION 

 

6.  What do you call a hot dog?
     a) a frankfurter
     b)  a wiener
     c)  my friend
 

SCORE

 

1.  If you LOOKED at this test you have homosexual tendencies.
2.  If you READ THROUGH this test you have acted on those tendencies.
3.  And if you actually TOOK this test, then you qualify for El Paso's "domestic partner benefits."
 
 

Fifty Shades of Humor

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