My Newspaper vs. Your iPad

I hate to sound like an old geezer, but I sure am tired of modern technology.  I'm old school.  An original gangsta.  I was country before country was cool. 
     I'm not saying I'm old, I'm just saying that when God said:  "Let There Be Light!" he first had to tell me to get out of the way.
     When I wake up, before I start my day, I like to kick back with a hot cup of joe, leisurely read my morning newspaper, and ignore my wife.  But now I read that Apple's iPad is the must-have toy du jour (at least until the next one comes out).  Even students at Southwest Career College are replacing their textbooks with that newfangled contraption.  As for me, I don't think so.  I'm entirely satisfied with my newspaper, thank you very much.
     Oh, I understand, these days you have to either learn how to use a computer or you learn how to sweep around them, but, I submit to you, my loyal readers, that in every way a newspaper is better than an iPad.
     Don't believe me?  No matter, I'll prove it to you.  Here are:
 
 

My Top Ten Reasons Why A Newspaper Is Better Than An iPad

 

 

     10)  If you drop it, you won't have to spend between $500 to $1,000 to replace it.  I'm not saying they're overpriced, I'm just saying P.T. Barnum would have seen you coming.
 

     9)  You can share it.  Although, to tell the truth, my dad wasn't too keen on sharing his morning paper.  Even the sections he didn't read.
     "Dad," I'd ask him, "can I have the comics."
     "No," he'd answer.
     "But I like to read them."
     "You'll get over it."
 

     8)  When you're moving, just try wrapping up all of your breakables in an iPad.
 

     7)  What are you going to do with all that left-over Silly Putty?
 

     6)  If you forget to charge it...  oh, wait, a newspaper doesn't need to be charged.  Suckers!
 

     5)  If you try to housebreak your dog on an iPad he'll be electrocuted!
 

     4)  Hackers can't hack into your newspaper and steal your identity.
 

     3)  Adolph Hitler was working on an iPad prototype in his bunker toward the end of World War II when it caught fire, exploded, and the rest is history.
 

     2)  In a pinch, you can always use it for toilet pa...  technical difficulties...  please stand by...
 

     And the number one reason why a newspaper is better than an iPad is:
 

     1)  BECAUSE I SAID SO!  Well, that always worked for my mom and dad.
 
 

American Chimpanzee

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