El Paso's not known for its snow, so if we were ever chosen to host The Winter Olympics we would need to come up with alternate competitions that would let the world know what makes El Paso the great city that it is.
I suggest these:
1. The Trying-To-Pass-Someone-Going-45mph-On-The-Freeway-While-The-Driver-Next-To-Him-In-The-Passing-Lane-Is-Going-46 Competition.
2. The Trying-To-Jog-While-Avoiding-Dogs-That-Aren't-Gated-Or-Leashed Competition.
3. The Trying-To-Find-A-Parking-Space-Downtown-When-There's-A-Big-Event Competition.
4. The Trying-To-Enjoy-A-Movie-While-The-Person-In-Front-Of-You-Is-Enjoying-Their-Cell-Phone Competition.
5. The Trying-To-Listen-To-Your-Radio-In-The-Privacy-Of-Your-Car-While-The-Jerk-In-The-Car-Next-To-You-Is-Blasting-His-While-Keeping-His-Windows-Down-So-He-Can-Annoy-Even-More-People Competition.
6. The Getting-A-Tattoo-To-Look-Attractive-When-What-You-Really-Should-Be-Doing-Is-Losing-Weight Competition.
7. The Having-To-Park-At-The-Far-End-Of-The-Parking-Lot-Because-Some-Bozo-Took-Up-Two-Spaces-Close-By Competition.
8. The Who-Can-Leave-Their-Christmas-Lights-Up-The-Longest-After-The-Holiday-Is-Over Competition.
9. The How-Much-Black-Smoke-Does-Your-Car-Have-To-Blow-Out-Before-You'll-Finally-Break-Down-And-Fix-It Competition.
10. The Regretting-That-Tear-Drop-Tattoo-At-The-Corner-Of-Your-Eye-Not-Because-Of-How-Stupid-It-Looks-But-Because-It-Makes-You-Easier-To-Pick-Out-Of-A-Line-Up Competition.
American Chimpanzee
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