American Chimpanzee

Life is a highway. Mondays are the potholes.   Fake News Wonders... How far can a plane fly if BOTH its engines fail? All the way to the ground.   Fake News Reports! After recent escapes in various facilities holding the separated children of illegal aliens, the CBP is eliminating certain outdoor sporting activities, such as team pole vaulting.   Fake News Reports! 57-Year-Old George Clooney! CRASHES! His SCOOTER! You're rich, George. What are you doing riding a scooter?   Fake News Reports! 57-Year-Old George Clooney Crashes His Scooter! The other driver involved was heard to mutter: "THAT'S for Ocean's Thirteen!"     Fake News Reports! 57-Year-Old George Clooney Crashes His Scooter! I've seen the footage. It's the best thing Clooney has done in years.   Fake News Reports! 23 People In A Tour Boat Bombarded By A Lava Bomb! From Hawaii's Kilauea Volcano! You know, I rememb...

Hard Core Advice From Hard Core’s Hardest Core... John Leslie! Dear John,      I'm worried about a close friend I have known for about ten years. She's well-educated, independent, and family-oriented. She has been online dating for quite a while and continually meets guys who have criminal backgrounds.      She dated one of them on the down low for two years because she was embarrassed by how he behaved in public. The most recent man served a 16-year prison sentence for being involved in a murder.      She tells me she doesn't see a future with any of them, but goes on multiple dates and defends them with, "He seems like a nice guy." In the next breath, she'll claim to want a meaningful relationship.      I have voiced my concerns. I asked her what she'd say to me if the tables were turned, and her responses mimic the concern I show her. I suggested she try a different website or mode o...

When Jesus was on the road to Canaan, He came upon a man who was weeping.      "Why do you weep, my son?" Jesus asked him.      "Because I am blind," the man told him, so Jesus touched him and he could see.      Further down the road, Jesus came upon another man who was weeping.      "And why do you weep, my son?" Jesus again asked.      "Because, my Lord, I have leprosy," the man explained, so Jesus touched HIM and he was healed.      Still further down the road, Jesus came upon a third man and he was weeping most bitterly of all.      "Tell me, my son," Jesus said softly, "why do YOU weep?"      "Because," the man answered, "Donald Trump's been elected president."      And so Jesus sat by him and they BOTH wept together.      Thus sayeth the Lord.     American Chi...

Airports... if the ACLU had their way.         American Chimpanzee JimDuchene.BlogSpot.com RaisingMyFather.BlogSpot.com @JimDuchene  

Conservative speakers... if college students and faculty had their way.       American Chimpanzee JimDuchene.BlogSpot.com RaisingMyFather.BlogSpot.com @JimDuchene  

Nuclear power plants are like, Communism, they're the best idea available... until people get involved.   I've got Friday off, but I don't want to waste it doing nothing. That's why I bought a six-pack.   As an attorney, it's my duty to represent the dregs of humanity. Robbers. Rapists. Murderers. There's only one kind of criminal I won't defend... The Broke.   This Just In! Celebrities Such As America Ferrera. Lin-Manuel Miranda, & Alicia Keys March For Illegal Immigrants At A Saturday Rally In Washington! "Just keep them out of OUR gated communities," they qualified.   This Just In! The Possible Liberal Democrat Pro-Abortion & Pro-Illegal Immigrant Timmy Kinner Allegedly Slashes Kids & Refugees In A Rampage At A 3-Year-Old's Birthday Party To Possibly Protest President Trump's Separation Policy & Supreme Court Nominee, Fake News May Have Reported!   This Just In! Possible Maxine Waters Supp...

The United States... if liberal Democrats had their way:          American Chimpanzee JimDuchene.BlogSpot.com RaisingMyFather.BlogSpot.com @JimDuchene  

Conservatives (the one on the ground)... if Maxine Waters had her way:       American Chimpanzee JimDuchene.BlogSpot.com RaisingMyFather.BlogSpot.com @JimDuchene  

Conservatives... if the Red Hen Restaurant had its way:       American Chimpanzee JimDuchene.BlogSpot.com RaisingMyFather.BlogSpot.com @JimDuchene  

as featured in Desert Exposure Magazine desertexposure.com   "I've got some bad news," my buddy Maloney told me.      It had been awhile since I'd heard from him, so I picked up my phone and gave him a call.      "How's it going?" he said, when he answered.      I took his inquiry at face value and began to tell him about my neighbors next door, the ones with the yappy little dogs. They had the Orkin pest control guy over, but he must have dropped the ball because my neighbors were still there the next day.      "You think you've  got problems?" Maloney groused. "I've got some bad news, some really bad news."      "What happened, Slip?" I asked, using his nickname. There's no conversational road Maloney travels on that he doesn't make a big ol' U-turn right back to himself.      "We got a call Saturday night. Sofia was in the hospital."  ...