"You're a man of Faith, aren't you, Governor Perry?" "Yes, I am. I've read the Bible 14 times, and when I get to the part where Jesus builds the ark and saves all the animals, I find that incredibly inspiring." "Uh, it was Noah who built the ark." "What?" "It was Noah who built the ark." "Are you saying I'm wrong? I'm not wrong, I'm the man! And you'll notice that Jesus didn't save the unicorns. That's because unicorns have horns... the devil has horns... I don't think I need to spell it out for you." "Do you feel, then, that your political career has been more of a calling than a choice?" "Let me put it this way: I've never lost an election. Never. I give all credit to my Lord and God, Yahtzee." "Uh...
I got home from work the other night, and saw my little girl was watching the holiday classic Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer . I grimaced. I'm not saying that holiday special is bad (which it is), I'm just saying the only thing worse would be listening to Miley Cyrus sing Nirvana's Smells Like Teen Spirit . (And the only thing worse than that is watching her dance to it.) I sat down anyway, and watched it with her. Once again, I was reminded of that time, not so long ago, when I met a brave little pig. I drove down to a farm in the lower valley of El Paso, because I had heard farmers tended to have attractive daughters with liberal ideas about hospitality, but, instead of a daughter, this farmer had a pig. The pig was missing three of it slegs, one of its two eyes, both ears, its tail, and part of its snout. ...
Ring! Ring! "Hello?" "Why, Mr. Weingarten, what a pleasure. I was afraid you'd be on vacation." "I was. I just got back. Your timing is very fortunate. You caught me just before I leave on my next one." "The reason I'm calling is because I found your latest column to be very funny. You know, the one where you make fun of Republicans. I know that doesn't narrow it down much, but just the same I found it very amusing. If you'll indulge me I was hoping to ask you a few questions from a devil's advocate point of view." "Are you a Republican?" "I'm a conservative." "That's even worse, because a Republican can still be liberal--just look at John McCain--but a conservative is the proverbial tiger that won't change it's stripes. But, sure...
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