American Chimpanzee

Fake News Reports! I was married by a Justice of the Peace. Ironically, since then, I’ve had neither justice or peace. ********** A Toronto School Board Has CANCELED Yazidi Survivor & Nobel Peace Prize Winner Nadia Murad Because Her Story Of Being An ISIS Sex Slave “Would Foster Islamophobia”! “They’re such good boys,” wokes Superintendent Helen Fisher, defending the terrorists. ********** The Los Angeles Times Reports That Central California Hospitals Are FULL, So They Want To Send Their Covid Patients To Other Counties! “Forget that,” say the other counties. ********** Darrell Brooks Jr.—The Violent Felon Who Is Accused Of Killing Five People And Injuring Dozens By Driving His Car Into A Christmas Parade—To Appear In Court! “Now that’s OUR kind of hero,” fake news wokes, still stinging after the Rittenhouse verdict. ********** CBS’s Disgraced Stephen Colbert Insists If Kyle Rittenhouse “Didn’t Break The Law, We Should Change the Law”! What about Darrell Brooks Jr., The Violent Fe...

Fake News Reports! Pfizer Denies CEO Albert Bourla's Wife Myriam Has “Died From Complications Of The COVID-19 Vaccine”! “She’s perfectly fine,” a spokesperson for the pharmaceutical company said, “and is simply visiting Scientology leader David Miscavige’s wife, Shelly.” ********** On Christmas Day, Los Angeles’ Iconic Staples Center Will Change Their Name To The Crypto.com Arena! In an interesting coincidence, the original name of the iconic gospel group The Staple Singers was The Crypto.com Singers. ********** WTA Expresses Concern Over Missing Chinese Tennis Player Peng Shuai, Who Many Fear Has Come To Harm Via Her Communist Government! “Mind your own business,” advises NBA superstar LeBron James. “China knows what it’s doing.” ********** What Does The National Organization of Women (NOW) Have To Say About Missing Chinese Player Peng Shuai, Who Was Raped By A Chinese Official And Then "Disappeared" When She Reported It? "Did China keep her from having an abortion?...

   Fake News Reports! The Star Tribune reports that defendant “Rittenhouse, in a highly unusual move, was allowed by the judge to draw the slips of paper from a raffle drum to determine the members of the jury from a pool of 18.” What other “highly unusual” moves has Judge Schroeder allowed in Kyle Rittenhouse’s self-defense trial? I’m glad you asked. ********** Rittenhouse, in a highly unusual move, was allowed by the judge to fly into outer space with Star Trek’s William Shatner. ********** Rittenhouse, in a highly unusual move, was allowed by the judge to check the assault rifle Prosecutor Binger pointed at the jury, and verify it was empty. ********** Rittenhouse, in a highly unusual move, was allowed by the judge to throw a tailgater in the courthouse parking lot.  Everybody was invited. ********** Rittenhouse, in a highly unusual move, was allowed by the judge to perform selections from Bizet’s opera Carmen for the beleaguered jury during a break in the proceedings. ***...

   Fake News Reports! Insider News Warns Us That Overwhelmingly White Juries Will Determine The Kyle Rittenhouse & Ahmaud Arbery Trials! Two more contested outcomes? When did fake news media start to sound like Trump? ********** Mark Hamill—Mr. Luke Skywalker Himself—Rips Aaron Rodgers A New Black Hole For Wearing A Star Wars Sweatshirt! “Oh, it has my picture on it?” Ka-CHING! ********** The Telegraph Is Reporting That Biden’s America Is Warning The European Union To Prepare For A Russian Invasion Of The Ukraine! “Putin’s YOUR problem, suckas.” ********** Prosecution Delivers Powerful Closing Argument To Jury In The Rittenhouse Self-Defense Trial! “We are so sorry for wasting your time.” ********** Dateline: Kenosha, Wisconsin  Kyle Rittenhouse—The Most Dangerous Man In The World—Is Allowed To Stand Next To Judge Schroeder During His Self-Defense Trial Without Any Security Or Shackles Or Objections From The Prosecution! There were no survivors. ********** New Mexico Muse...

   Fake News Reports! The San Francisco Chronicle Reports That A California Lab Will Grow 400,000 Pounds A Year Of Meat Grown From Animal Cells! “That’s the easy part,” a spokesman for Upside Foods said.” “The hard part is finding someone who will eat it.” ********** The AP Reports That 55-Year-Old Salma Hayek Felt Like The Mom On The Set Of Marvel’s ‘Eternals’! “They were like my children,” the busty ‘Desperado’ actress laughed, “and a second didn’t go by that one of them didn’t want to be breastfed.” ********** On His Show Today, Shock Jock Howard Stern Goes Off On Packers Quarterback Aaron Rodgers And His Stand Against The Miracle Trump Vaccine! “Caca! Peepee! Poopoo!” he flatulated. ********** Is it just me, or can Kim Kardasian do a lot better than Pete Davidson? ********** Variety Reports That Marvel’s Black Panther Sequel Has Shut Down Due To Star Letitia Wright Being Injured! By any chance, does anybody know if Alec Baldwin was on that set? ********** Eight-Year-Old Fiona ...

  Fake News Reports! A POEM: If there’s nothing  I wouldn’t do for you,  and there’s nothing you wouldn’t do for me, is that how we’ll spend our lives? Doing nothing for each other? ********** CEO Mark Zoidberg And Vice President Of Artificial Intelligence Jerome Pesenti Say They Are Shutting Down Facebook’s HAL 9000 Facial Recognition Program! Or ARE they? ********** Overheard At The COP26: “But enough about Satchel Paige, let me tell you about Satchel Paige.” ********** The Financial Times Reports That, Because Of Climate Change, By 2070 The Earth Will Be Practically Unlivable For 3 Billion Of Its Inhabitants! Well, I guess that solves the world’s overpopulation problem. ********** Emergency Mail-In Ballots From China Delayed By Sec. of Trans. Pete Buttigieg’s Supply Chain Collapse Cause Democrats To Lose Tuesday’s 2021 Election! ********** Elon Musk Says He’s Ready To End World Hunger By Giving The United Nations Six Billion Dollars Providing They Come Up With A W...

  as featured in Desert Exposure Magazine My father.       I don't know how he knows, but he does. He can't see to the end of the room, but whenever I'm doing any kind of work in the house , somehow he knows and a few seconds later he’s situated himself right in the middle of it. It could be something as simple as my walking into the kitchen early in the wee morning hours to fix my wife a cup of coffee. I won't even turn on the light, but I'll see the light go on in the little in-law house in the front of our property. Then I’ll see him walk out his door toward the main house. Sometimes I'm able to sneak back upstairs with our coffee before he makes it into the house, but sometimes...      "Where's my coffee?" my wife will ask when I walk back into our bedroom empty-handed.      "Um... ah... well..." I'll begin to explain.      "Your father?"      "Yeah....

   Fake News Reports! It’s Election Day! And all across the nation good Americans are heading out to cast their vote two, maybe three times. ********** White Supremacist Wears Confederate Flag At Virginia Gubernatorial Candidate Glenn Youngkin’s Loudoun County Rally! or On The Verge Of Losing Governor Race, Desperate Terry McAuliffe Sneaks Into Opponent’s Rally Wearing Confederate Flag! ********** Health Officials And Fact-Checkers Insist Masks Are Safe And Effective In Preventing Covid-19! So then we DON’T need to get vaccinated? “Hey, let’s not go crazy out there.” ********** The White House Releases Framework To Joe Biden’s 1.75 Trillion Dollar Economic Build Back Better Act! “It’s a two-part plan,” a spokesman for his administration explained. “First we take your money, then we waste it.” ********** For The First Time Since Fatally Shooting Cinematographer Halyna Hutchins On The Set Of His Movie “Rust,”Alec Baldwin Publicly Speaks Out! “If only there was one person who had the...