The Week In Tweets: Special Veterans Day Edition!

 Fake News Reports!


The San Francisco Chronicle Reports That A California Lab Will Grow 400,000 Pounds A Year Of Meat Grown From Animal Cells!
“That’s the easy part,” a spokesman for Upside Foods said.” “The hard part is finding someone who will eat it.”
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The AP Reports That 55-Year-Old Salma Hayek Felt Like The Mom On The Set Of Marvel’s ‘Eternals’!
“They were like my children,” the busty ‘Desperado’ actress laughed, “and a second didn’t go by that one of them didn’t want to be breastfed.”
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On His Show Today, Shock Jock Howard Stern Goes Off On Packers Quarterback Aaron Rodgers And His Stand Against The Miracle Trump Vaccine!
“Caca! Peepee! Poopoo!” he flatulated.
**********
Is it just me, or can Kim Kardasian do a lot better than Pete Davidson?
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Variety Reports That Marvel’s Black Panther Sequel Has Shut Down Due To Star Letitia Wright Being Injured!
By any chance, does anybody know if Alec Baldwin was on that set?
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Eight-Year-Old Fiona Lashells Has Been Suspended THIRTY-EIGHT Times From Her Florida School For Not Wearing A Mask!
I guess Governor DeSantis has been off on maternity leave.
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IN OTHER HOWARD STERN NEWS:
The Shock Jock Considers A Presidential Run In 2024!
Great… ANOTHER rich old, white guy to chose from.
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In A Provocative Move, China Uses Mockups Of U.S. Warships In War Games And Missile Practice!
Joe Biden’s response was swift and forceful: “Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…”
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Al Gore To Use Satellites & Artificial Intelligence To Identify Greenhouse Gas Producers So Activists Can “Hold Them Responsible…”!
“…just as soon as we can figure out a way to keep it from fingering ME,” the President Who Never Was said, speaking from one of his many mansions or private jets.
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HAPPY VETERANS DAY!
I’ve never served in the military, but, since I identify as a veteran, I’ll gladly accept all the free stuff you’re giving me.
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After 28 Years, Veteran News Anchor Brian Williams Leaves NBC To Help James Bond Defeat S.P.E.C.T.R.E.!
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After 28 Years, Veteran News Anchor Brian Williams Is Leaving NBC!
“Did you read THAT?” the newsman said. “I’m a VETERAN!”
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Once Upon A Time In A Kenosha, Wisconsin Courthouse:
Assistant District Attorney Thomas Binger: “All he had was a handgun, why would you think he is a threat?”
Rittenhouse: “Excuse me, are you talking about Gaige Grosskreutz or Alec Baldwin?”
***********
Coming In The Last Days Of The COP26, China & The United States Stun The World By Vowing To Work Together On Climate Change!
In other words, nothing’s gonna happen, right?
“Right.”
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Jim Duchene
Fake News Chief Correspondent
 
read my RaisingDad humor column for caregivers at Desert Exposure Magazine

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