The Week In Tweets: Special You're Against What? Edition!

 Fake News Reports!


My wife wants me to help clean the kitchen.

I told her I’d polish off the leftovers.

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The Washington Post Reveals That The FBI Agents Who Raided President Trump’s Mar-A-Lago Home Were Searching For Classified Documents Related To Nuclear Weapons!

  …but instead left with 21+ boxes filled with panties confiscated from Melania’s underwear drawer.

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Having Lost Nesting Habitats Due To Storms, High Tide, & Predation, The Kemp's Ridley Sea Turtle~One Of The Most Endangered In The World~Has Laid Its Eggs On The Newly Renourished Galveston Beach!

   “We’ll,” said the turtle, “I had to lay them somewhere.”

*********

The World's Rarest Sea Turtle Lays Her Eggs On The Newly Renourished Galveston Beach! “And they were f*cking delicious,” a satiated Beto O’Rourke burps contentedly.

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According To A Fox News Poll, 75% Of Americans Are Dissatisfied With The Direction Politicians Are Taking The United States!

   What?

   You’re AGAINST grown men going into a public bathroom with your young daughters?

*********

According To A Fox News Poll, 75% Of Americans Are Dissatisfied With The Direction Politicians Are Taking The United States!

   What?

   You’re AGAINST biological males competing in women’s sports?

*********

While Executing A Search Warrant, The FBI Spent Hours Alone Inside President Trump’s Mar-A-Lago Home!

   “It takes time to properly hide microphones and plant evidence,” Attorney General Merrick Garland explained.

*********

Elite Daily Lets Slip That Mandy Moore Is Up For Another “The Princess Diaries” Sequel And Even Has A Major Idea For It!

   “Well, first off,” the movie’s mean-girl actress told the movie studio, “you pay me A LOT of money.”

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Axios Tells Us How To Watch The Perseid Meteor Shower!

   Um… with your eyes?

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In El Paso, Texas, Several Men Saved A Woman’s Life By Pulling Her Out Of A Car Seconds Before It Was Swallowed By A Sinkhole!

   That’s toxic masculinity for you.

*********

As Gas Prices Fall, CNBC Wonders If The Trend Will Continue!

   “Not if I can do anything about it,” Dark Brandon promises.

*********

William Shakespeare’s Globe Theater~Located On The Bank Of The River Thames In London ~Produces A Play About Joan Of Arc Using Woke Pro-Nouns “They/Them” Because… “You know, that’s the way they talked in those days.”

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Jim Duchene

Fake News Chief Correspondent


read my RaisingDad humor column for caregivers at

Desert Exposure Magazine

desertexposure.com

@JimDuchene

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