YOUR HALLOWEEN HORRORSCOPE!

Sagittarius: Things will get better after the amputation.

Pisces: No one will ever love you.

Aquarius: You're going to die alone.

Taurus: Everything you like will give you cancer.

Virgo: Your mother-in-law is going to live forever.

Aries: You'll never be happy.

Gemini: That scratching sound you hear outside your bedroom window… it could be a tree branch.

Libra: It’s only going to get worse.

Cancer: Guess who's expiration date is about to expire?

Capricorn: I'd have a doctor look at that mole if I were you.

Scorpio: Nobody lives forever. Especially you.

Leo: Remember how you said you would rather die than see President Trump win a second term in office? Well...

Jim Duchene

Master Astrostrologist

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