YOUR HORRORSCOPE!

 Your Horrorscope!

Sagittarius: I wouldn't get out of bed if I were you.

Pisces: Your mother never loved you.

Aquarius: You'll never be good enough.

Taurus: Is that a clown hiding in your closet?

Virgo: Crazy people don't care about restraining orders.

Aries: I'm not saying it's a tumor, but...

Gemini: There's no point in buying those green bananas.

Libra: Everybody dies. Some sooner than others. Like you, for example.

Cancer: You're about to learn the meaning of the word irony.

Capricorn: Is your health insurance paid up? Just asking.

Scorpio: How long have you had that mole?

Leo: Your neighbor hasn't fed his pit bull in four days.

Jim Duchene

Master Astrostrologist