Hard Core Advice From
Hard Core's Hardest Core... John Leslie
Dear John,
I have been married to "Dennis" for eight years. Early on, Dennis couldn't do enough for me.
Now, if my car won't start, he yells at me and says to call a tow truck. If I asked to spend time with me, always has other things to do.
On the rare occasion when we attend a social event together, he abandons me so he can "work the room" and have a great time with everyone else. We arrive together and leave together, and the rest of the time, I sit alone. Miserable and forgotten.
Dennis will go above beyond for others. It doesn't matter if it's the middle of the night, raining, snowing, spending money we don't have, missing meals, birthdays, holidays, and our daughter's school programs. If it's a chance to make himself look good, he's there with a smile and compassion. I get the repairman to take care of me with a handshake and a bill. If I ask him to treat his family with the same enthusiasm, he calls me a selfish nag.
Yes, I resent all the people he helps, because they get the side of my husband that belongs to me. I'm told to take care of myself, because he's too busy helping others and inflating his ego. I get whatever's left over.
I love Dennis, but I'm starting to feel that he only gave me his adoration and helpfulness because he was trying to win my heart.
What can I do to win him back?
--Desperate
Dear Desperate,
You could lose weight.
Dear John,
I am an adopted 18 year-old and an only child. I would like to get in touch with my biological family. From what my adopted mom tells me, I have an older brother. I was also told that my parents tried to find my biological father, but out of the five names listed on the adoption papers, none of them matched.
Is there any way to contact my family?
--Desperate
Dear Desperate,
Pretend I'M your father.
Come to papa.
Dear John,
I'm 26 years-old, happily married, and have a beautiful 2 year-old daughter.
My oldest brother is an alcoholic. He was in a terrible auto accident last year and nearly died. I don't want to enable him by continuing to welcome him into my life.
I've tried to explain this to my parents and my sister, but my words fall on deaf ears. Last month, my brother and I got into an argument at my parent's house, because he is jealous that I have a better relationship with his children than he does. It ended with me telling him, "Stay out of my life!"
Now I'm the black sheep of the family, while the others still welcome my alcoholic brother with open arms. I'm all alone now. Where can I go? What can I do?
--Desperate
Dear Desperate,
You need to walk away... and over to the nearest bar. Let me tell you what your brother already knows: Drinking Solves EVERYTHING!
Dear John,
I am a 44 year-old guy who wears his heart on his sleeve. I met "Lisa" two years ago. I was just divorced, and Lisa was in terrible shape. Her mother had just died, and, shortly after that, she lost her fiancé in a traffic accident. Then she moved back home to take care of her ailing father.
It was love at first sight for me, but Lisa never full grieved over her fiancé. She told me he was her "soul mate," and that she would never love another man the way she loved him. I told her I have all the patience in the world, and would be there for her through her grief and sorrow.
I knew she needed to deal with this in her own way, which included getting his name tattooed on her back in a kind of "tramp stamp" memorial. Again, I was patient and understanding. She even calls me by his name in our intimate moments. I told her I understood.
Lisa's family began inviting me to their home, but her family had been exceptionally close to her fiancé, and began posting things on Facebook to remind Lisa of him. It finally reached the point where I had to say something, and I talked to a friend of Lisa's cousin. I said posting such things keeps the fiancé's memory fresh in Lisa's mind, which doesn't help her heal. I asked the friend of Lisa's cousin to please get the family to stop doing this. He told me, "Dude, I don't even know you."
Well, my request got back to Lisa, who became hostile and negative toward me. She broke things off. I love Lisa with every ounce of my being.
Was I wrong to speak up?
--Desperate
Dear Desperate,
You make me sick.
American Chimpanzee
jimduchene.blogspot.com
RaisingMyFather.blogspot.com
@JimDuchene
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