Dear John (5-22-13)

Hard Core Advice From

Hard Core's Hardest Core... John Leslie

Dear John,
     Do you have any ticks for keeping ants and bugs away from an outdoor picnic? How about keeping bugs away from a BBQ? Thanks!
     --Hungry

Dear Hungry,
     Invite Ron Jeremy. Unfortunately, he'll also keep away your guests.

Dear John,
     Do you have a go-to dessert to serve at outdoor parties? Maybe something that doesn't melt in the heat?
     --Hot

Dear Hot,
     In my business we call it The Popsicle That Doesn't Melt.

Dear John,
     With a small outdoor party, how important is a seating arrangement versus an open seating plan? Do guests want to have a proper seat?
     --Unsure

Dear Unsure,
     I generally let my guests sit on whomever they want.

Dear John,
     Is there a theme party in existence that isn't cheesy? Do you personally ever throw them? Do you have an idea for a theme that might actually be... classy? Or at least not cheesy?
     --Cheesy

Dear Cheesy,
     No, so be sure to have plenty of alcohol. With enough booze, even Ron Jeremy looks classy.

Dear John,
     My friends and I are hosting a pink-themed party in June. We want the cocktails to be pink, as well. Do you have any recipes for light, refreshing summer cocktails that are pink in color?
     --Bob

Dear Bob,
     I do, but this is a family humor blog.

Dear John,
     What's the most ladylike way to eat watermelon?
     --Missy Manners

Dear Missy,
     You might try asking Ginger Lynn that, although her personal expertise is with a differently shaped fruit.

Dear John,
     Do you use evite or paperless post for your invitations?
     --In A Quandary

Dear Quandary,
     I just leave my front door open and hope for the best.

The Aw, Nuts! Humor Blog

jimduchene.blgospot.com

RaisingMyFather.tumblr.com

StuffMyPastorSays.wordpress.com