Dear John: Special Wet Noses Edition!

Hard Core Advice From
Hard Core's Hardest Core... John Leslie!
  
Dear John,
     I have a rich uncle and a poor cousin, and they are the most annoying people on earth. How can I get them out of my life?
     —Desperate

Dear Desperate,
     Easy.
     Just borrow money from the rich one, then turn around and lend it to the poor one.
     You'll never see either of them ever again.

Dear John,
     What would you say is the definition of "making love"?
     —Curious

Dear Curious,
     Making love is what a woman is doing while her man is selfishly having his filthy way with her.

Dear John,
     What does a cute puppy have in common with a near-sighted gynecologist?
     —Wondering

Dear Wondering,
     They both have wet noses.

Confidential to Honest:
When the fathers of the girls you date ask what you do, "Your daughter" isn't the right answer.
  
  
American Chimpanzee
JimDuchene.BlogSpot.com
RaisingMyFather.BlogSpot.com
@JimDuchene
  

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Under The Influence

 as featured in Desert Exposure Magazine RaisingDad by Jim and Henry Duchene Under The Influence "thinking 'bout this and that"   Enjoy your youth.      Because when you get older it’s gonna hurt.      Case in point, I've just had a full knee replacement. When I first started having knee issues my doctor suggested I should drop a few pounds. I tried to excuse the excess poundage by explaining it runs in my family. He said it was obvious that NOBODY runs in my family.      When I got home from the hospital my granddaughter was so happy to see me that, along with a tender hug, she gave me a pack of gummy bears that she got for Christmas. She missed my tucking her in. It was only for one night, but I missed tucking her in, too.      My father… well, he had his own way of expressing his happiness.      “Since one of your legs is shorter than the other now,” ...
Read more

Persnickety

as featured in Desert  Exposure Magazine    RaisingDad by Jim and Henry Duchene   Persnickety “the trouble with getting old”      I’d like to thank all my readers who wished me well in the aftermath of my full knee replacement surgery. I call it that to make the experience sound more dramatic than it actually was, but I’d like you to know that I didn’t mention my surgery as  a way to garner sympathy. I mentioned it hoping someone would start a Go Fund Me account.      Of course, I’m only kidding.      Well wishes weren’t necessary, my friends, but they were very much appreciated. It’s always nice to know that someone is out there reading these words I write, although recent correspondences have been more along the lines of “Where’s the end of your story?”       Just so you know, I have nothing to do with that, but the situation is similar to the old National Lampoon Radio H...
Read more

The Typical El Pasoan

There are the best of times, there are the worst of times, and there are the times when we think we know it all, but, deep down, are just hoping we get away with cribbing a few lines from a classic novel that no one has read for the last hundred years or so.      Since I was a young child I wondered:  if you sit a million monkeys in front of a million typewritters for a million years, would one of them write the complete works of Shakespeare, or would you just end up with a room full of decomposing monkeys?      I've always had a thirst for knowledge.  Forget curling irons, as a young child I wondered if you were to use a smaller and smaller chute each time you went skydiving would you eventually reach the point where you would need no chute at all?      I think I know what makes El Paso tick, but I believe my thirst for knowledge has been translated into a language I don't speak.  No matter, as I am currently...
Read more