Saturday, July 14, 2018

John 11:35 Revisited

When Jesus was on the road to Canaan, He came upon a man who was weeping.
     "Why do you weep, my son?" Jesus asked him.
     "Because I am blind," the man told him, so Jesus touched him and he could see.
     Further down the road, Jesus came upon another man who was weeping.
     "And why do you weep, my son?" Jesus again asked.
     "Because, my Lord, I have leprosy," the man explained, so Jesus touched HIM and he was healed.
     Still further down the road, Jesus came upon a third man and he was weeping most bitterly of all.
     "Tell me, my son," Jesus said softly, "why do YOU weep?"
     "Because," the man answered, "Donald Trump's been elected president."
     And so Jesus sat by him and they BOTH wept together.
     Thus sayeth the Lord.
 
 
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Wednesday, July 11, 2018

Conservatives #5

Airports... if the ACLU had their way.
  Image result for woman won't clean up dog poop gif
 
   
American Chimpanzee
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Monday, July 9, 2018

Conservatives #4

Conservative speakers... if college students and faculty had their way.
 
Related image
 
 
American Chimpanzee
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Sunday, July 8, 2018

The Week In Tweets: Special Fake News Edition!

Nuclear power plants are like, Communism, they're the best idea available... until people get involved.
 
I've got Friday off, but I don't want to waste it doing nothing.
That's why I bought a six-pack.
 
As an attorney, it's my duty to represent the dregs of humanity. Robbers. Rapists. Murderers. There's only one kind of criminal I won't defend...
The Broke.
 
This Just In!
Celebrities Such As America Ferrera. Lin-Manuel Miranda, & Alicia Keys March For Illegal Immigrants At A Saturday Rally In Washington!
"Just keep them out of OUR gated communities," they qualified.
 
This Just In!
The Possible Liberal Democrat Pro-Abortion & Pro-Illegal Immigrant Timmy Kinner Allegedly Slashes Kids & Refugees In A Rampage At A 3-Year-Old's Birthday Party To Possibly Protest President Trump's Separation Policy & Supreme Court Nominee, Fake News May Have Reported!
 
This Just In!
Possible Maxine Waters Supporter Timmy Kinner May Have Taken Her Anti-Trump Call To Arms Too Seriously When, At A 3-Year-Old's Birthday Party, He Allegedly Attacked Kids & Refugees Whom He Could Have Thought Were Trump Supporters, Fake News Speculates.
 
This Just In!
Knife-Wielding Timmy Kinner Terrorizes 3-Year-Old's Birthday Party In Boise, Idaho!
Fake News Desperately Tries To Tie It To A Pro-Illegal Immigrant "Families Belong Together" Rally That Happened Hours Before & Miles Away!
   
Fake News Reports!
Black Female Leaders Say Maxine Waters Treated Unfairly!
"And you can trust us because we're black and we're female."
 
Fake News Reports!
Woman Calls Police On African-American Representative Campaigning Door-To-Door!
Now, is she a racist like Fake News implies, or is she just that asshole neighbor everybody seems to have?
 
Fake News Reports!
Protester In Custody After Climbing Statue of Liberty!
"Yeah, I'm a dumbass," she admits.
 
Fake News Reports!
3.3 Million-Year-Old Fossil Shows That Prehistoric Toddlers CLIMBED TREES!
You know, just like kids do now.
 
Fake News Reports!
Former President Obama Says Every Man Should Ask Three Questions Before Choosing His Mate.
"And then shut up and agree with them for the rest of your sad life."
 
Fake News Reports!
Fishermen Accuse U.S. Border Patrol Of Straying Into Canadian Waters Chasing Migrants!
And you know fishermen...
"We never lie."
 
Fake News Reports!
Fishermen Accuse U.S. Border Patrol Of Straying Into Canadian Waters Chasing Migrants!
Now, what migrants are sneaking into the U.S. from Canada?
"Uh... gotta go," the fishermen exit, stage left.
 
Fake News Reports!
Cruise Ship Worker Rescued 22 Hours After Going Overboard!
Why, when the same thing happened to my ex, all they could say was: "There's nothing we can do."?
 
Fake News Reports!
Cruise Ship Worker Rescued 22 Hours After Going Overboard!
When the same thing happened to my ex and they didn't even try to save her, all I could say was:
"Thank you!"
 
Fake News Reports!
Texas health Officials Investigate 56 Cases Of People Sick From Parasites!
Investigation stalls when it's determined these parasites are actually local politicians.
 
Fake News Reports!
No Matter What A Business Owner Believes, Customers Should Not Be Denied Service Because They're Gay.
Unless they're gay AND conservative!
  
 
American Chimpanzee
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@JimDuchene
 

Conservatives #3

The United States... if liberal Democrats had their way:
 


Related image
 
 
American Chimpanzee
JimDuchene.BlogSpot.com
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@JimDuchene
 

Saturday, July 7, 2018

Conservatives #2

Conservatives (the one on the ground)... if Maxine Waters had her way:
 
Image result for reginald denny gif
 
 
American Chimpanzee
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@JimDuchene
 

Friday, July 6, 2018

Conservatives #1

Conservatives... if the Red Hen Restaurant had its way:
 
Image result for starving auschwitz survivors
 
 
American Chimpanzee
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@JimDuchene