I'm especially tired of Donald Trump mouthing off about it. Do you ever think that Donald Trump is what the homeless imagine what a rich guy is like? I look at Trump, and somehow I get the impression that Richie Rich was his mentor and role model. When he makes a decision, do you think he first asks himself what that Mr. Moneybags character from the Monopoly game would do? Or Scrooge McDuck?
Speaking of Mr. Moneybags, it's too bad we can't elect him President. I bet he could do something about the economy. I'm not stupid, I know a fictional character can't be elected President, but doesn't it seem that that's exactly what we do every four years?
As I write this, they're reporting that the six heirs of the Wal-Mart fortune have more money than the bottom 41% of the 99%. Where's the joke? Try looking in your wallet. But I digress...
I received a call the other night from Democrats For Obama.* They wanted to make sure I was registered to vote, that I was going to vote for Obama, and--oh, by the way--can you send us a donation?
I thought I'd have a little fun with this one.
"I'm sorry, ma'am," I told her, "but in the last election they paid me to vote for Obama."
"They did?" she said, and she sounded astonished. "That's against the law."
"Are you sure? It happened when I lived in Chicago. I think it's legal there."
"Can't I get the same deal from you?"
"I'm afraid not, sir. That would be cheating."
"The American people."
"Aren't we the American people?"
"Well, if we cheat ourselves, then who's going to complain?"
I thought my logic was irrefutable, but she thought otherwise.
"I'm afraid not, sir, but can we still count on you for a donation?"
"Well I guess I could come up with something. The only problem is, I'm blind."
"I'm sorry to hear that, sir. Would you like to donate by check or cash?"
"I'd like to do it by check..."
"...but I can't, 'cause I'm blind. I can't read the check."
"Well, do you know your credit card number?"
"You don't?" she said, and she sounded disappointed in me. For a person pretending to be blind, I was offended.
"Do you know yours?" I shot back.
"No," she conceded, "I don't."
"Well, can I pay with cash?" I asked, trying to sound helpful and miffed at the same time.
"Cash is always welcomed," she laughed.
"Did you just laugh at me?" I said, indignantly.
"Did you just laugh at me because I'm blind?"
"Oh, no, sir. I would never do that."
"Because I can do things. Just because I'm blind, that doesn't mean I'm helpless. I'm just like you, I'm capable. Maybe even more than you, because I can use my other senses. Blind people can do anything a sighted person can do."
"I didn't mean to..." she tried to say, but I cut her off. I was on a roll.
"I'm blind, but I'm tough. I don't know the meaning of the word can't."
"Can you take down this address?"
"I CAN'T!" I yelled at her. "I'M BLIND!'
Fifty Shades of Funny
*Who else would they be for?