Monday, February 13, 2017

The Ten Commandments for Millennials

I am the Lord, thy God, thy iPhone. Thou shalt have no other smart phones before Me.

Thou not shalt not make unto thee any graven images.
     Except on Facebook.

Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord, thy God, in vain.
     On the other hand, sayeth whatever thou wants about Trump.

Remember the Sabbath and to keep it holy.
     In fact, take the rest of the week off as well.

Honor thy mother and thy father, lest they kicketh you out of their house.

Thou shalt not kill, for thou art a pansy.

Thou shalt not commit adultery, unless the opportunity presents itself.

Thou shalt not steal, unless it's on the Internet, in which case, thou shalt consider it free.

Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor. Then again, who else are you going to bear false witness against?

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife, unless she be-eth REALLY hot. Further, neither shalt thou desire thy neighbor's house, his field, or his man-servant, or his maid-servant, or his transgendered-servant, or his ass, or maketh juvenile jokes upon reading the word "ass," or, finally, desire anything that is thy neighbor's, especially, as I said before, his wife, unless thou be-eth especially horny.
On second thought, that's too much for thou to remember, so forget it.
     Go taketh a nap.
American Chimpanzee

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